


Rentboy

by carmenG



Category: SKAM (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Betrayal, M/M, Misunderstandings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-06
Updated: 2017-10-24
Packaged: 2018-12-11 21:23:39
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 29,018
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11722836
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/carmenG/pseuds/carmenG
Summary: Isak met Even through rentboy.com. He quickly learned that Even wasn't really a rentboy. Little did he know that his perfect boyfriend is also the future owner of Nasheim Corp., which is about to buy the Valtersens, his family business.A story about love and hate, misunderstandings and communications.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hi guys! I'm not a native speaker, so please bear with me :P

21:02

Hi.

Hi

I think you’re hot.

Thanks

The website says your rate per hour is 1500€?

And are you available tonight?

 

21:10

Maybe we could meet up?

You got a pic?

?

Of you

Oh.

 

Isak feels embarrassed. Hopefully evenbn97 won’t ignore him for being such a rookie.

He looks around, trying to find the best spot to take a selfie. Why is his room so tedious?

He spends several minutes taking selfies, hating and deleting all of them, before realizing that maybe he shouldn’t waste any more time. In the end he just leans back onto the headboard and uses the wall as the background.

 

21:15

[sent photo]

 

21:18

It’s okay if you’re not interested.

 

21:21

You’re cute

:)

You look young

I’m 18

okay

Where and when?

?

To meet up

Oh

Radisson blu plaza 2200?

See you then

Sorry but do you take cash?

Sure

Okay see you then.

 

Isak jumps up from his bed, putting on a t-shirt and jeans while booking a uber at the same time. He looks into the mirror, finds himself smiling like a moron. Hopefully this moron is getting laid not killed tonight.

 

* * *

 

 

Jonas gives Isak that weird look again.

Isak stares back. “What is it?”

Jonas shrugs. “I just couldn’t believe you are so happy dating a male prostitute.”

“For the last time, he is not a male prostitute.” Isak complains in a low voice, looking around to make sure no one can hear them. “He was on that website for a stupid bet, and he never for once took my money.”

“Well, that’s what he told you, it’s not necessarily the truth.” Jonas takes out his phone and opens the browser. “What’s his username again? Even something? ”

“evenbn97.” Isak grabs the phone and types it in.

The page finished loading, showing that evenbn97 haven’t logged in for 89 days. Isak smiles at the number. “See? We met three months ago, and he stopped using it.”

“So what?” Jonas is unimpressed. “Maybe he has another account.”

Isak rolls his eyes. “Whatever. Wait until you meet him, see for yourself.”

 

After finishing his homework, Isak spends some time thinking about what Jonas said. He wants to have some serious thinking time, but somehow his mind keeps going back to the memory of that night he first met Even.

 

* * *

 

 

He remembers how nervous he was sitting in the lobby of Radisson Blu. evenbn97 was on time, striding in confidently, looking exactly like his profile photo. They smiled at each other, and Isak got even more nervous. evenbn97 told Isak to just call him Even. Isak stuttered with his first sentence, which was, “Hi, I’m Isak.” Humiliating. So humiliating.

But Even didn’t seem to notice. They talked for a bit in the lobby, then went up to the room Isak booked. There was some distance between them in the elevator. Isak looked down at the city, wondering what would happen later.

 

Even closed the door behind him, and went directly to the mini bar. Isak declined his offer of alcohol. Even looked at him with a smile, asking, “You’re not 18 yet, right?”

His husky voice made Isak melt a little. He felt his face flush, quietly nodded in response.

Isak drinks beer all the time, sometimes he steals alcohol from his dad’s collections. But he didn’t feel like drinking that night. Even didn’t seem to mind, putting down his glass and sitting next to him. “What do you want to do? Sex-wise.”

Isak swallowed and admitted, “I haven’t done it with a guy before, so I thought maybe I should get some professional help for the first time.”

Even laughed at his reply. “You’re weird.”

“Huh?” Isak frowned. “Why is it weird?”

“Because,” Even looked up to the ceiling and back at Isak, “Most people would get themselves a boyfriend to do that, I guess?”

“Well,” Isak looked down at his hands, “Impossible for me.”

“And why is that?” Even was curious.

 

That’s how their conversation really started.

They spent hours talking. Isak told Even he is still in high school, aspiring to be a doctor, but probably will wind up in business school, because his dad wants him to. Even fell silent listening to him talking about his family.

Isak was born rich. The Valtersens has been running a baby products business for several generations, Isak’s dad Terje being the owner at the moment. Isak isn’t really interested in his family business, but as the only son, he is expected to be the next owner.

 

“Do you have any sisters? Maybe they can run it instead of you.” Even suggested.

“Lea, my little sis.” Isak smiled thinking about Lea, slowly the smile faded. “Just, she’s not in a good place.”

 

Isak doesn’t quite remember his childhood, but he remembered welcoming Lea back from the hospital. He loved this little creature, also the good atmosphere around the family. Dad and mom were happy. Lea was happy. Annoying sometimes, but cute and happy.

Then mom started losing her mind, locking herself up in the attic, reciting the bible and sending verses to his and Lea’s phone. Isak was in middle school, he found it scaring, not to mention little Lea in primary school. Isak used to go home and found Lea crying, their mom yelling nonsense at someone they couldn’t see. Dad tried to hold the family together, but he got tired of it, eventually sending his wife into a psychiatric facility, visiting once or twice each month. Isak and Lea visited their mom every weekend. He would hold Lea’s trembling hands, and let her lean on his shoulders on their way back home. He noticed Lea got more and more introverted, but he didn’t know how he could help.

 

After a long silence, Even said, “That must have been hard for you.”

Isak tried to smile. “Yeah. Luckily I got Jonas, he was good help.”

Even turned to look at him. “I thought you said you didn’t have a boyfriend.”

“No he’s just a friend,” Isak felt tired, he lay back on the bed. “A very good one. He’s straight, and he knows I’m gay.” 

“Okay.” Even lay down as well, facing Isak.

 

Isak didn’t tell Even that he had a crush on Jonas. Or that he succeeded in breaking up Jonas and his girlfriend Eva. This thing with Even may be just a one time thing, but he hoped to leave a good impression.

He did tell Even he used to be afraid that his parents would get a divorce, but now he just doesn’t care anymore. Also he learned that they may never get a divorce, because apparently, if you’re selling baby products, a stable marriage is good for business, even if it requires faking.

He never told his parents he’s gay. He thought about coming out to Lea, but perhaps Lea already knew.

The high school he goes to is a private one, most students come from rich families like himself. He dated a few girls, and had a reputation of not being a jerk after being dumped. Jonas has a reputation of going down on girls, so when they two walk together, girls love to come up and talk to them.

 

“So you’re a popular guy at school, I see.” Even really has a low voice.

Isak looked at Even. God his plump lips and blue eyes. He cleared his throat, “Enough about me. Your turn.”

Even smiled. “My life is boring comparing to yours.”

 

Isak learned that Even is a college student, art major, interested in the film industry. He recommended a lot of films to Isak, explaining some in detail. Also, he only had this rentboy account because he lost a bet to his friend.

 

“Which reminds me, how did you find me on that website?” Even moved closer to Isak.

“I don’t know. Just saw you and, well, like I said, you’re hot.” Isak blushed a little bit.

 

He decided not to tell Even the truth that he saw the account evenbn97 weeks ago, and couldn’t forget about him. Of course he wants his first gay sex experience to be with someone he loves, but he felt hopeless. Finally the day came, when nothing could suppress or release the desire in his 17 yr old body, so he created an account on rentboy.com and directly messaged evenbn97.

 

Even told Isak that he didn’t really want to reply to his message, just like he didn’t with other users. But he felt restless tonight, and he found Isak’s messages rather polite, not like those from some horny bastards. He was also surprised that someone who could afford 1500€ would be interested in him. He was expecting picture of some senior guy, but got Isak instead.

 

“It’s a nice surprise.” Even had the most charming smile.

Isak felt his cheeks burning under Even’s stare.

“So. Please don’t pay me anything. ” Even moved even closer, gently touching Isak’s face. “What do you want to do now?”

Isak swallowed hard. He winced at the pain from his throat, sit up and coughed several times, feeling rather embarrassed. “I’m so sorry, I just need some water.”

“Well me too.” Even followed him to the minibar, picking up a glass and getting some tap water. “We surely spent some time talking.”

They drank water while eyeing each other.

 

Isak watched a lot of porn. He knew the difference between top or bottom, and considered himself more or less versatile. But maybe it’s too early to think about roles? It’s only their first time seeing each other. Will they see each other again?

Even grabbed Isak’s left arm, trying to get his attention. “Hey you.”

“Sorry.” Isak looked at Even and found themselves really close to each other, almost face to face. He lowered his head, anxiety building up in his chest.

“Nothing to apologize for.”

Isak could feel Even’s breath near his left ear. His heart was pounding so fast.

“Can I kiss you?” Even asked.

Isak lifted up his head, looked at Even coming closer, and closed his eyes.

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Here comes Mikael.

Isak sits in the coffee shop, waiting for Even.

Usually he hates waiting, but with Even it’s different. Just like the saying, some people are worth waiting for. Basically, whatever it is, as long as Even’s involved, it sets Isak in a good mood.

He twirls the coffee cup in his hands, smiling while thinking about his boyfriend.

 

Last Friday they had a date. The plan was to meet at a bus station near Blindern, however Isak wanted to give Even a surprise, he skipped his math class and wandered around in UiO’s campus. He was on his way to the Institute of Art when he saw Even walking with some friends, looking really good in his suit and tie.

Even seemed very surprised when he noticed Isak. He said a few words to his friends, ran to Isak and hugged him, then basically dragged Isak away, walking really fast.

Isak looked back at Even’s friends, all in their fancy suits. He joked, “Your friends look so lame, not artsy at all.”

“Well.” Even didn’t argue. “We were having a class about fabric, professor asked us to wear our favorite suits.” He glanced at Isak and winked. “Do I look lame like them?”

Isak replied honestly. “You’re hot as fuck.”

Even smiled. “Good.”

Isak looked around, noticing they were further away from dormitory area. Even seemed to understand what he had in mind, explaining: “Mikael has an apartment nearby, he let me live in it for free.”

“That Mikael?” Isak squinted at him. “Does he have a crush on you or something?”

“No he doesn’t.” Even laughed. “I don’t think I’ve told you before, but it was me who had a crush on him in high school. I was still dating my girlfriend then.”

Sonja. Isak remembered the name. “How did she react?”

“Accused me of being maniac, cursed a lot.” Even shook his head. “Turns out she was right, I was indeed hypomaniac. Tried to recite the Quran for him.”

“Wow.” Isak didn’t know what else to say. He still found it hard to comment about mental illnesses.

They remained silent until arriving at the apartment.

 

Isak sips his latte, trying hard to remember everything Even told him about Mikael.

Perhaps he feels a little jealous of this good friend of his boyfriend. Of how much time they spend together, how many memories they share.

Mikael and Even were childhood friends, just like Isak and Jonas. He helped Even land Sonja, and knew almost everything about Even.

Although Even didn’t mention it, Mikael is probably a rich kid just like Isak. The apartment he let Even live in is full of fancy furniture, located in a good neighborhood.

When Isak pointed it out to Even, Even shrugged and said, “Maybe he has a crush on me now. Too bad for him because I already fell for you.”

Isak stops thinking for a second. He has never seen a picture of Mikael in that apartment. He never met Mikael in person. What if Even really is a rentboy, living off rich kids like Isak and Mikael?

 

There is a knock on the window. Isak looks up, it’s Even outside. And another good-looking guy.

They walk in. Even kisses Isak on the cheek, then introduces the other guy. “This is Mikael. He wants to meet you.”

Mikael bumps fists with Isak, smiling and sitting down. “I’ ve heard so many things about you, dear Isak.”

Isak opens his eyes wide, still a little shocked. Even looks at him for a second, then pushes Mikael off his seat. “Go get us some coffee. You’re buying.”

Mikael stands straight, looking annoyed. He points a finger at Even and says, “You’re getting more and more insufferable, Even Be...”

“Luhrmann.” Even cuts him off, staring at him intensely. “Please go get your best friend Even Luhrmann coffee.”

Mikael looks at Isak, then back at Even. “Sure, Mr. Luhrman.”

When Mikael walks to the counter, Even moves his chair close to Isak, kissing his cheek again. “Sorry baby, I didn’t have time to tell you, he just tagged along.”

Isak pulls a smile. “It’s fine.” He hesitates. ”Is he coming with us today?”

Even shakes his head immediately. “It’s just you and me.”

He goes on to talk about his plan for their night. Isak listens to him and then not listens to him.

 

Even seems so mysterious and unpredictable sometimes. He never breaks his promises, but it’s like he isn’t sharing everything with Isak.

Just like now, there is no physical distance between them, but Isak feels somehow distant with his boyfriend.

It felt the same last time he saw Even with his friends on UiO campus. As if Even had another life, which he didn’t want Isak to know.

 

“Bye Mikael.” Even states.

Isak stops his thoughts. Mikael is back at the table, holding two cups of coffee, looking even more annoyed than before.

After what seems to be a staring contest between Even and him, Mikael rolls his eyes and hands one coffee to Even. “Fine.” He waves to say goodbye, then stops and looks Isak in the eye. “You know Isak, sometimes I really regret making him open that account on rentboy. He totally changed!”

Mikael leaves after literally being pushed out by Even.

When Even comes back to him, Isak sips his coffee and says, “You didn’t tell me he’s handsome.”

“Is he?” 

“You know, Jonas really wants to meet you. Maybe on weekend?”

Even smiles and casually plays with Isak’s curly hair. “Anything for you, baby.”


	3. Chapter 3

Friday night, all alone in his apartment.

Isak pulls out some tissue paper to clean the mess on his stomach. He misses his boyfriend’s touch and kisses.

Even couldn’t make it tonight, but promised to make it up to Isak on Sunday.

After a quick shower, Isak lies in bed, trying hard not to fall asleep. It seems too early to go to bed at 2200.

 

This past week has been tense. They had mid-term exams, Isak almost failed. He used to be a good student, taking detailed notes in class and reviewing them at home voluntarily. Since Even came into his life, however, he’d rather watch Even doodling for an hour than spend a minute on textbooks.

Also, Even met Jonas for the first time. They had kebab together, Even was buying. Later Jonas told Isak he was satisfied with the kebab, okay with Even, but really annoyed with how Even and Isak kept kissing each other in front of him.

 

Isak opens his eyes. He has a better thing to do than sleep.

Typing “Even” in the search bar, “Luhrmann” jumps out as suggested. Isak smiles and uses the searching term, again glancing over the already familiar results.

Apparently Even doesn’t have any social media accounts, he told Isak so. Isak couldn’t even find one picture of him online. He also tried searching “evenbn97”, “evenbn”, “Mikael & Even”, “Even UiO”, “Even Institute of Art”, no related items.

He was afraid to ask Even about it but asked anyway, and Even seemed very happy to be stalked by Isak. He didn’t mention the suffix “bn”, but explained that he was born a 97er, and there was one video of him online, which was shot by Mikael.

Isak has probably rewatched that video a hundred times by now. He can remember every word Even said, even mimicking the gesture and tone. He also watched the film Even mentioned in the video, Romeo + Juliet by Baz Luhrmann, and absolutely loved it. Yet he does find it odd that Even has the same surname with his favorite director.

“Are you his son?” Isak frowned.

Even laughed for a minute before replied, “I wish.”

Jonas finds it odd too, but didn’t push too hard on this topic. He asked Isak, “Has Even done modeling or something?” then commented, “He looks kind of familiar.”

 

 

Isak looks at the screen, a little surprised to see Even calling him. Even says his thing ended earlier than expected, so he’s coming to Isak’s place now.

Isak doesn’t feel sleepy anymore. He goes downstairs, pretending to get a glass of water. Dad isn’t home yet, gone to some charity thing. He’s all alone at the house.

20min later the door bell rings. They hug each other at the door, then the hug turns into several minutes of making out.

Isak leads the way to his room. Even looks around curiously. “Is your sister at home?”

“She’s at boarding school, remember?” Isak looks at Even. “Why are you in your suits again? Another fabric lecture?”

Even shakes his head. “There was this film premiere, I wanted to crash the red carpet. Failed miserably.”

Isak giggles. “Wild.”

By the stair case there are photos of the Valtersen family. Even stares at them as they pass by, apparently interested. Isak just looks ahead, dragging Even with him.

 

When they reach Isak’s bedroom, he finds his phone vibrating again. This time it’s Jonas.

Even glances at the screen and frowns, “Does he always call you so late at night?”

Isak doesn’t want to admit how good it feels to see jealousy on his boyfriend. He chats with Jonas for several minutes, trying to ignore Even stripping beside him. When Even wants attention, he tries hard. He then goes on to strip Isak, rubbing everywhere.

Finally Isak gives in and hangs up on Jonas. He’s already hard and totally turned on.

 

Even’s good in bed. They’re good in bed.

Isak grabs the sheets, feeling his knuckles get weaker.

Even hugs Isak from behind, his nose buried in Isak’s neck, left arm holding Isak across his chest, right arm across his abs. His hands grab Isak’s ribs, leaving red finger prints on the pale skin.

Isak feels Even pound into him harder. He tilts his head back and moans in a low voice, hands trembling. He wants to tell Even how good it feels, but unable to form a sentence, just short “fuck”s and “god”s.

Even is verbal when he fucks Isak, but when he gets into a rhythm, he falls silent, breathing hard and only giving out low moans.

Isak can no longer stay on hands and knees, so he leans back, body closer to Even. Even holds him tight, fucking faster into him, making loud slapping sounds.

Isak turns his head to let Even kiss him, feel Even’s tongue licking into his open mouth.

He managed to squeeze broken words out: “I’m, cum, any, oh god, any, any time.”

Before Even can react to his statement, they hear a loud bang downstairs.

“Shit.” Isak grabs Even’s thighs to make him stop, let Even slowly pulls out. He immediately misses how good it feels to have Even inside him.

Even’s trying to catch his breath. “Your dad home?”

“Yeah.” Isak pushes his damp hair up his forehead. He speaks in a low voice, “I’ll just pretend I’m sleeping.”

They turn off all the lights and lie on the bed side by side. There are foot steps coming and going, eventually it’s dead silence again.

 

Even turns around and kisses Isak’s temple, his hand touching Isak’s dick. “Where were we?”

Isak smiles bitterly and sighs. “Sorry baby, I don’t feel like it anymore.”

So they just lie there and whisper-talk to each other.

Even admits he’s a little sad to see Isak’s family photos. His families are so ashamed of his bipolar disorder, there isn’t a single photo of him at home.

Isak looks at the family photo hanging above his headboard, telling stories about his family.

His dad was supposed to join a charity thing tonight at the Naesheim’s house. Isak isn’t so enthusiastic about his family business, but he knows they’re not doing so well. In fact, they haven’t been doing so well for a long time, that his dad has been looking for investors. The Naesheim Corp showed some interest, but they have a poor reputation when it comes to investing in small businesses.

“Like last year, Naesheims bought a small farm, they kicked the owner out, even changed the brand’s name. I heard the owner killed herself.” Isak recalls.

“Shit happens.” Even sounds calm.

This charity party at the Naesheim’s was supposed to be a big thing, a lot of investors and business owners would kill to have an invitation. Jonas went with his dad, bored to death, so he called Isak and bitched about everything he saw, until Isak’s attention was all drawn to his naked boyfriend. It seems this Naesheim family has an heir, a son who is still young, unable to join the family business.

Isak jokes, “If that kid turns out like me, then I guess my dad can keep on selling feeding bottles.”

“Don’t say that.” Even suddenly touches Isak’s face, gently stroking it. “You’re perfect, Isak.”

Isak smiles. He puts his head down on Even’s chest. He can feel Even’s chest going up and down with every breath, hear Even’s heart beat steadily.

He whispers: “I don’t deserve you, Even.”


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for the kudos and comments!

 

Isak wakes up to morning sunshine and Even’s smile. It’s hard to tell which one is brighter.

They are not sure if Isak’s dad is still at home, but both are dangerously hungry. Isak plans to sneak out some food from the kitchen, just when he’s wondering whether he’ll run into his dad, he sees a note on the kitchen counter, which says “Gone to work”.

Even comes downstairs after being called. He cooks omelets while Isak experiments spices on toasts. Isak glances at his boyfriend from time to time, feeling happily domestic.

Ever since his mom got admitted into psychiatric ward and Lea gone to boarding school, seldom had he a chance to get homemade breakfast. He would usually skip it and have a big lunch, or grab something on his way to school. This cooking together scene is so precious to him.

 

After breakfast, Isak decides to do his homework though Even strongly protests. Soon he realizes that he left some books and notes at school.

On their way to school, Isak debates with Even whether he should keep on the driving course.

“You know, I don’t really need to drive, I can always call a uber and have someone pick me up.”

“You’re so spoiled.”

“I can also take public transportation. They’re really convenient.”

“Let’s just say, if we’re on a road trip, and something happens to me, the only driver, and we’re somewhere with no phone signal, what can you do about it? I’ll bleed to death by the time your uber arrives.”

“That’s not gonna happen. We will, I mean, you will drive safely.”

“I do drive safely, you can do it too.”

“I’m not doing it and you cannot make me.”

Even stops arguing with Isak, shaking his head and playfully messes with Isak’s hair.

 

Isak says hi to the security guard at the school’s main entrance, gesturing to Even. “He’s a friend of mine. I know you don’t normally allow guests, but we’ll be out in a minute. Could you make an exception maybe?”

The guard smiles at him and Even. “Take your time.”

Isak is surprised at his generous response. Walking in the corridor, he tells Even how strict this guard usually is. In fact he was prepared to be refused, since Even is neither a student nor an alumni. Some guy wanted to impress his girl by trying to sneak in, ended up with bone fractures after being kicked out by the security guards. Even more sadly, he got dumped immediately because the girl’s dad found him “unqualified” for his daughter.

Even comments, “I don’t like them dividing people into different classes.”

Isak nods, “Totally.”

“But perhaps I should continue not walking you to school?” Even waves at the security guard while they walk out of the entrance. He looks at Isak, “I want my bones all intact.”

 

Even received a call from his mom, then left after kissing Isak’s pouting lips.  

Isak decides to walk home by himself. Sometimes in the morning of a school day, Even will walk him to school, but he never gets near the campus. Isak thanks him for being so considerate, because he doesn’t want to answer curious questions from his schoolmates.

He receives a message from Sara, the girl who likes him a lot. Although Isak already told her he’s not interested, she just doesn’t get it. She talks to Isak on facebook everyday, mainly about herself and her friends. Isak finds it annoying, but he doesn’t have the gut to block her, also he does need gossips.

“Guess what? Emma from 1stb is dating a guy in college! How old is she, 16? He’s like at least 3 years older than her. That’s basically child molestation. Gross.”

Well you know what, this guy you’re talking to is also dating a college guy. Isak rolls his eyes, replies “haha”.

“Rumor has it she’s pretty slutty, giving out free bjs like Santa.”

Isak can imagine what Even will say if he sees this message. Being the righteous man he is.

Although Even left barely 10 minutes ago, god does he miss him.

 

* * *

 

 Monday morning, everyone seems lack of sleep. Isak didn’t get to see Even after Saturday, so he had enough sleep and is horny as hell.

He messages Even during lunch break, asking when they can meet.

Jonas sits down with a grin on his face, automatically starts talking about the hookup he had over the weekend.

There are other friends at their table, so Isak doesn’t have to pretend to listen very carefully. He checks his phone, Even hasn’t replied yet.

He opens facebook and scrolls down the timeline, nothing really interests him. He has so many friends online, but in real life he just needs Even.

Turning his head to Jonas, Isak asks his friends, “Have you ever loved a girl so much, that you feel like no one else existed?”

The other two students just stare at him, looking stunned. Jonas stares him as well, clearing his throat and says, “I don’t know, but isn’t that kind of unhealthy?”

“Why is that?”

“You need people, Isak. We all need more than one person in our lives.” Jonas seems a little concerned.

Isak looks at the other two, fakes a laugh and says, “Yeah bro, just some girl chases me around, makes me wonder.”

That seems to do the job. Jonas continues with his story, but glancing over Isak from time to time.

Isak checks his phone again. Still no messages from Even.

 

It’s hard to pinpoint an exact moment when they became boyfriends. Maybe it’s that time they watched Romeo+Juliet and Captain America together. Or the first time Even said I Love You after sex. Or when Even told Isak he tried to commit suicide in high school. Those and many were their moments.

Actually Isak doesn’t really mind the boyfriend tag. He hasn’t been so happy in his life for a long time, why bother labeling a relationship? It’s just Isak+Even, starting from the autumn of 2016.

What Jonas said today, it doesn’t matter. Everyone is living a life that no one else necessarily understands.

Isak approaches home, hears loud yelling inside. He opens the door quickly, finds his dad on the phone, waving his arm angrily in the air.

He waits until he hangs up. “Everything’s okay?”

“No, everything is not okay!” His dad sounds mad. “The store has no customers, you sneak around all day, your mom is sick, your sister doesn’t take my call...” He throws his phone on the wall, and suddenly breaks into tears.

Isak has never seen his dad like this. He slowly walks to his dad, tries to pull him up, which seems to stir his dad even more.

“You’re not like my son at all. My son should be a successful businessman. What good can you do as a doctor? You want to cure everyone else, why don’t you cure your crazy mom first?!”

 

* * *

 

 

Those words keep repeating in Isak’s head. He looks around, finds himself on a bench near Blindern. There is no one around, just himself shivering in cold night.

He pulls out his phone, calls Even again while wiping tears on his face. Even didn’t pick up the last two times, which has never happened before. If he’s in a lecture or doing something important, he would reply with a message.

Isak starts to feel really anxious when the call finally gets connected. But it’s not Even on the other side.

 

“Who’s this?” It’s a young man’s voice.

Isak’s mind goes blank for two seconds. “Um...it’s Isak. I’m looking for Even.”

“Isak who?” The man sounds cold.

“Isak Valtersen.” His voice gets weaker.

“Valtersen? How do you know Even?”

Isak licks his lips, his heart sinking lower. “Look, I’m sorry if it’s a bad time, I’ll just...”

“No Isak, I’m fucking with you.” The man laughs. “I know who you are, just not familiar with your voice.”

Isak frowns, feeling puzzled. “Okay? I’m sorry, I don’t think I recognize your voice either.”

“It’s Aksel,” the man says, “I’m Even’s brother. I don’t think we’ve met before.”

“Oh.”

“But Even surely talked a lot about you.” Aksel laughs again.

Isak feels warm inside. “Yeah. Sorry, it’s just I really wanted to talk to him, could you please get him?”

“I’m afraid not.” Aksel says, “He’s really agitated right now. Argued with mom all day. I wonder what got into him. Perhaps he’s crazy again. Oh shit, did he tell you he has this condition?”

“Yeah he did.” Isak feels a little bit uncomfortable with what Even’s brother said. “He seemed okay on Friday night. Why did he argue with your mom?”

“He was with you on Friday?” Aksel sounds intrigued. “You know I was wondering where he went, and he didn’t want to tell me.”

This guy gives Isak weird feelings. He tries again, “Um Aksel? How can I get to Even?”

“Well,” Aksel speaks slowly, “maybe you can come talk to him? Have you even been here at our house?”

“I’m afraid I’ve never been.” Isak looks around, no cabs nearby. “I’m near Blindern, how do I get there?”

“Okay it’s not far from there, you can take a night bus or cab.”

“What’s the address?”

“Do you have a pen or can you remember?” Aksel laughs, “It’s....”

The call got cut off. Isak stares at his phone, not sure what happened. He definitely didn’t press hangup. Before he has more time to think, Even or maybe Aksel calls him again.

“Isak?” It’s Even’s voice.

Isak immediately feels settled and relieved, but at the same time his voice is shaking. “Hey baby.” He stops there.

“Where are you?” Even sounds anxious.

Isak takes in a long breath, trying to hold back his tears. “I’m near Blindern.”

“You remember where my apartment is? Let’s meet there.”

 

When Even gets to his apartment, Isak is sitting on the doorsteps, playing with his beanie. He dives into Even’s hug, reluctant to let go.

Even asks: “What did Aksel tell you?”

Isak’s voice gets muffled, “He’s your brother, you fought with your mom.”

“That’s all?”

“He saw you left last Friday. Were you having a family dinner?”

“Anything else?”

“No, I don’t think so.”

“Are you sure?”

Isak looks up at Even, frowning. “He may also told me how you talked a lot about me.” 

Even looks at Isak carefully, a smile slowly forming on his face. He kisses Isak on the lips, then holds him all the way into the apartment.

 

They take a brief shower together and end up in bed.

“How come you never told me about your brother?” Isak puts his chin on Even’s chest. “He sounds younger than you.”

“Yeah he is.” Even slowly strokes Isak’s back. “He’s still in middle school.”

Isak hesitates before saying, “I don’t really like him.”

Even chuckles. “Really?”

Isak can’t really tell why he isn’t so fond of the other Luhrman. Perhaps due to the aggressiveness. Also how he called Even crazy, it reminds Isak of his dad.

Even sighs. “Aksel isn’t a bad kid. He’s just sometimes way out of his mind.”

They fall silent for a while.

“What were you arguing with your mom about?” Isak sniffs.

Even changes his place on the pillow. “Just stupid things.”

They fall silent again.

Isak wants to ask another question, about why he never had a chance to visit Even’s family. It’s not like Even’s closeted to his family. But considering how his family try to hide his mental illness, maybe they aren’t so tolerant after all.

“What about your day?” Even moves downward, facing Isak now. “What did you need me for?”

Isak looks at Even, suddenly feels peaceful at heart. It’s been a long and bad day, but right now in Even’s arms, nothing matters anymore.

He smiles. “I needed you on my back.”

Even moves closer to kiss him tenderly. “I’ll always got your back.”

 


	5. Chapter 5

The first time Isak told Even about his parallel universe theory, technically not his theory but something he believes in, they were still in that after sex glow.

Even just looked so hot, Isak had to say something to distract himself from drooling all over Even again. Also, they hadn’t had much chance to talk for a while.

Even was not so enthusiastic about the parallel universe thing, “It gives me weird feelings.”

Which motivated Isak to talk more about his imaginations, like maybe in universe A they would have met in high school, or in universe B Isak was born poor and Even was the prince of Norway.

“Does that make you Cinderella?” Even kissed Isak’s forehead, his expressions so soft.

“Fuck you,” Isak rolled his eyes, “I mean it would be romantic, to fall in love with someone you never expected to.”

That’s when Even caressed his face and looked him right in the eye, as if about to blurt out something important. But he just smiled and kept on kissing him.

Finally he asked, “Is there a universe, in which we totally hate each other? Like enemies?”

Isak squinted. “Theoretically yes. But who knows, you know hate fuck can be hot.”

Even smiled and looked at Isak fondly. “So basically in any universe, we’d fuck.”

“Clearly. That’s the rule.”

“So my fate is like what, 100% sexually attracted to you?” Even just couldn’t stop smiling.

“Duh.” Isak tried to pull a straight face. “You can’t fight your destiny. Just take it.”

“Just take it. Wow.” Even’s hand grabbed Isak’s, and led it to his dick. “This whole parallel universe talk makes my dick so hard, it’s on you.”

Isak smirked. “Just take it.”

 

Shit. Memories make him hard again. Maybe blushed a little too.

Isak looks around. The muslim girl on his left gives him a weird glance. Other students seem to pay their full attention to the teacher.

He pulls his phone out from the pocket, quickly messages Even. “So horny, can’t function.”

He receives a reply in seconds. “1700?”

Isak types in a red heart and presses send. Putting down his phone, he looks around at his fellow classmates, feeling slightly proud of himself. They don’t know what just happened with Isak Valtersen. He’s about to get some dick tonight.

 

Isak doesn’t really live at home anymore. Although he doesn’t have a key to Even’s apartment yet, it’s already considered his new home. Technically it’s not Even’s apartment either, but he’s never seen Mikael in that apartment, so.

When he bragged about it to Jonas, his friend seemed unimpressed. He said he felt like Isak is moving too fast with this Even guy. “You know, you don’t really know much about him yet.”

Isak doesn’t get why Jonas doesn’t get it. Even’s not a bad guy, he doesn’t need to know everything about Even. Love is what matters.

 

 

Isak knocks on the door, then patiently waits for Even.

Last time when Even opened the door for him, they started making out right after saying hello, and it was fucking hot to stumble all the way to the bedroom and take off their clothes along the way. Even tried to pick him up and put him on his shoulder, but Isak was not very uncomfortable in that position, so they had to change plan in the middle, it was hilarious.

The door opens, it’s not Even. Isak stares at the guy, his mind blank.

“Let me guess. Isak?” The guy takes his time to check Isak out. “I’m Aksel. We spoke on the phone, remember?”

“Oh.” Isak’s voice gets really sharp. He clears his throat and shakes hands with Aksel. He doesn’t usually shake hands with people, but anxiety gets him to do unusual stuff.

“I’m just heading out, in case Even comes and freaks out on me.” Aksel gives him a big smile and steps out of the apartment. “Oh by the way, I heard you’re throwing this huge party on Friday? Can I go?”

“What party?” Isak gets confused.

“You know, at your house?” Aksel seems confused as well. “My friends said your family is hosting this business party?”

Isak remembers his father called him about a dinner party on Friday night and specifically asked him to wear something nice and formal.

“Well, you can come with Even if you want.” Isak smiles politely.

“Cool. See you Friday.” Aksel hops down the stairs.

 

Isak goes into the apartment, gently closing the door behind him. He looks around the living room while taking off his shoes.

Isn’t Aksel still in middle school? He should check with Even if their parents will allow underage kids to dinner parties.

Isak is so familiar with this apartment now. He could close his eyes and go straight to the kitchen and fish out beers from the fridge. He knows where Even puts things at, such as salt and bandannas.

He checks the time, 16:30. Maybe he could make some easy food while waiting for Even.

 

When he hears Even coming in, he shouts from the kitchen. Footsteps getting closer, then he feels Even’s arms around his waist.

“What are you doing?” Even kisses and kisses his face.

“I wanted to make you some coffee, but I found only tea? So I tried to make some tea and toasts, but didn’t know how to use this fancy electric kettle.” Isak points to the kettle on the counter, trying to hide his smile. “While I do my best to figure out how to use it, the toasts burned.”

Even takes the toasts from Isak’s hands to get a clearer view. “So you’re saving the toasts by cutting off the burnt parts.”

“Yes. Totally saving them.”

“I don’t think they can be saved.” Even throws the toasts into the bin, turns Isak around. “Meanwhile, you should spend your time to do something more worthy. Like me.”

Isak giggles and let Even pull him into the bedroom.

 

Isak loves sex with Even. Most of the time he likes to be dominated by his boyfriend, to be the good bottom boy. When he sees the pleasure in Even’s eyes, to know that it is him that gives Even this kind of pleasure, it’s really the best feeling.

They’re lying on their right side, Isak in the front, penetrated by Even. His head rests on Even’s right arm, left leg hooks on Even’s left arm, whole body trembling every time Even thrusts into him. They’ve been going like this for 20 minutes, Isak’s already sore, but it also feels so good, he doesn’t want it to end.

Even uses more strength with his left arm, his hand reaching to Isak’s face. Isak looks back at Even, obediently opens his mouth and sucks in Even’s thumb. He feels his left thigh being stretched, Even thrusting into him harder and deeper. His face twists because of the pleasure, he can’t really open his eyes now, but he tries to suck on Even’s thumb and licks it again and again. He hears Even’s low moans, an barely audible “fuck you’re so hot Isak”, then he kind of loses his hearing, loses all of his sensations, falling into this trance state. He doesn’t feel time passing, but he feels not alone, climaxing with the man he’s in love with.

Gradually all his sensations come back, he feels Even’s cum spurting inside his ass.

“Are you okay baby?” Even’s catching his breath. “You seem a little lost.”

Isak opens his eyes, finds himself face down on the bed. He doesn’t even remember changing positions during the process. He whines, pulling Even down for more makeout.

After Even pulls out, Isak tries to turn around and get up, but Even holds him down like that.

“God Isak, your ass looks so hot.” Even speaks in a low voice.

It takes Isak a few seconds to realize his boyfriend is marveling at his own masterpiece over his asshole.

Even speaks again. “We should do this creampie thing more often.”

“Don’t look at it.” Isak blushes, fighting to turn around. His hole likes to be fingered, eaten or fucked, but not to be looked at, especially when there’s cum leaking out of it.

Even let him turn around but pushes him down on the bed immediately. “You gonna come?”

It takes a dozen strokes and repeated “You’re mine, Isak” from Even for this 17 year old boy to come. He comes so hard, his cum hits himself in the eye.

They are still laughing about it in the shower.

 

 

Isak snuggles with Even afterwards, both sleepy.

He remembers meeting Aksel today, which reminds him to ask Even about the Friday party.

Even’s eyes are closed. “You want me to come?”

“Yeah.” Isak hesitates. “I was thinking, maybe you could meet my dad.”

“Your dad?”

“Yeah. In fact maybe my mom and Lea too, it’s kind of a big thing for us.”

He goes on to explain that the Valtersen’s brand will probably be sold to the Naesheims, but his dad is still hoping to reach out to other possible buyers, so this dinner party will be full of businessmen and women.

“I guess your dad will be under great pressure at the party.” Even takes a deep breath in. “Do you think it’s the best time for me to meet him?”

“I don’t know.” Isak lowers his head, then buries it deeper in Even’s chest. “I just really want to move out from the house. Also, Lea will be back to boarding school Saturday morning, so it’s like the only chance you meet her before Christmas.”

“Are we still together on Christmas?” Even jokes, earning an elbow from Isak. He looks at Isak in the eye, as if trying to make an important decision.

Isak touches Even’s arm. “No pressure baby. If you don’t want to do it, it’s fine.”

Even says, “I do want to meet your family. And maybe let you meet mine too.”

“Um, okay.” Isak can’t hide the happiness on his face. “Well I mean I already met Aksel.”

“What?” Even seems concerned. “When?”

“Just now. Before you came back.” Isak recalls. “Come to think about it, which school does he go to? He’s in some cool uniform.”

“What did he say to you?” Even’s expression gets tense.

Isak vaguely remembers Aksel commenting on his brother “freaks out” about him. “Just he wants to come to the party.” He glances at Even briefly. “Um Even?”

“Yeah?” 

“What do your parents do? Are they artists like you?”

Even licks his lips. It takes a while for him to reply, “I guess you can say they’re masters in their area. Really good at their jobs.”

“Which you don’t really approve?” Isak observes Even’s facial expressions.

“No. I mean they provide good environment for me and Aksel, that’s for sure.” Even blinks slowly. “Aksel thinks they’re cool. I don’t see eye to eye with them.”

“Why not?”

Even considers for a while. “I feel like they only value reputation and outcome.”  He stares at Isak, anticipating. “Do you get it?”

“Oh, the art versus reputation debate.” Isak smirks. “I guess so. Like with my family business, we may be struggling, but we do provide good service to our customers. Unlike the Naesheims, these big companies don’t care about us or any customers, they only care about money.” He shakes his head and looks up at Even. “I really hate those Naesheims, you know? I feel like they’re breaking my dad’s dreams. I hope they like, have a stupid child or a crazy child, like the Trump sons, you know?”

Isak notices Even’s hurt expression. He immediately starts to apologize. “I’m so sorry baby, I didn’t mean crazy like that. It just, slips out of my fucking mouth, I’m really sorry.”

Even smiles, caressing his face. “I know, it’s okay.”

Even seems fine, but Isak still feels anxious. This bipolar disorder is a topic he still doesn’t know how to approach. He makes himself smile back, “So I’ll see you Friday?”

“Sure. Let’s just sleep now, baby.” Even kisses his forehead.

 


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finally the truth comes.  
> Or does it?

 

Tuesday morning, Isak wakes up to an empty bed. He takes some time looking for left notes. Even used to leave him a note on the pillow if he went out getting coffee or had to leave early, which Isak finds weirdly romantic. He could have just sent him a message, but no, Even never does that.

He looks everywhere, but there isn’t any notes in the bedroom, or any other room. He unlocks his phone to call Even, but ends it before getting connected. He doesn’t want to seem so needy.

 

Tuesday afternoon, Isak sends Even a message asking if he wants to hang out. No reply.

Tuesday evening, Isak sends two more messages and calls Even, Even doesn’t pick up, and still no reply for the messages.

Isak can see the read marks beside each message, he feels a little worried.

 

Wednesday morning, Isak gets up early to make a detour to Even’s apartment. He knocks on the door and waits for 20 minutes while playing games on his phone. The only person he meets is an old lady passing by.

Wednesday night, Lea and mom got home. Isak feels his mood lifting up a little, they have a family dinner together.

After the dinner, Lea and Isak goes on to clean the dishes in the kitchen. They talk about their separate lives, Isak is happy to hear that Lea is doing well at her boarding school.

She says, “I feel like being away from home is good for me, you know? My friends say their home gives them strength and warmth, but for me home is just painful memory.” She smiles at Isak, “Only you, you’re a good memory, Isak.”

Isak takes over a pile of plates from her, very carefully putting them into the sink.

Lea observes, “You’re getting better at this. Housework.”

Isak glances at her, smiles with a little bit of proud, “I did get some practice. I met this guy, he’s a good cook, so sometimes I’d do the dishes to, you know, return the favors, I guess.”

Lea puts a hand over her mouth, trying to withhold excitement. “Isak Valtersen, did you get yourself a boyfriend?”

Isak bites his lower lip, trying to hold his smugness in. “Yeah. A really hot one.”

“What did you say Isak?” 

They turn around, their parents stand by the kitchen door, looking shocked.

Fuck. Isak sighs in his mind. He puts down a plate. “I didn’t mean to let you find it out like this, sorry, I meant to tell you earlier.” He takes a big breath in. “I’m gay. I have a boyfriend now.”

He observes his parents’ expressions, wondering if he should continue his unprepared come-out speech. Dad seems really shocked, mom seems worse than that.

He suddenly regrets telling the truth, but before he has time to say anything, his mom just walks away, sobbing hard, and his dad points a finger at him, “This better be a joke.” And follows his wife to comfort her.

It takes Isak a minute to turn around facing the sink. He feels Lea’s hand on his.

“Well, I think that went smoothly.” He speaks sarcastically.

“That’s so typical Valtersen. Is it weird I kind of miss it?” Lea hugs him, gently patting her brother’s back. “I am happy for you, Isak. I’ll add your boyfriend to my prayers. What’s his name?”

“Even.” Isak reads the name out slowly. He tightens his arms, gently kissing Lea’s forehead. “Thank you, sis.”

 

Thursday morning, still no Even. Isak gets impatient, but there isn’t much he could do.

Taking the incident last night into account, Isak just can’t shake off this bad feeling.

He talks to Jonas during lunch break, Jonas squints his eyes at the news. “He dumped you?”

“Seriously?” Isak shakes his head, “I don’t think so.”

“I don’t know, man.” Jonas shrugs. “Maybe he gets caught up in something. A deadline or something.”

“Maybe.” Isak eats his salad and nods. “Or maybe he dumped me.”

“He seemed very in love with you last time I saw you guys together.” Jonas speaks in a nonchalant way. “But it’s almost a month ago. I heard homosexual love doesn’t last that long, so yeah, I guess he dumped you.”

Isak glares at Jonas. “That was...where do I start? That sentence was so wrong, in so many ways.”

“What are you, LGBT police now?” Jonas laughs, playfully throwing cabbage at Isak.

They spend five more minutes dissing each other before Sara walks to their table and casually sits down next to Isak. Jonas coughs to hide his smile, attempting to leave the scene, but Isak calls him to stay, “Didn’t you have something to talk with Sara?” 

Jonas fakes a smile and turns to Sara. “Oh yeah Sara, Isak told me so much about you. Do you know the party at his house on Friday?”

Sara gets excited at the news. She grabs Isak’s hand, “Yeah? Can I come? We really should spend some quality time together, you know.” 

Fuck Jonas. Isak gazes at his hand tightly held in Sara’s hand. It’s time for him to come clean to this girl.

He slowly takes his hand back, leans forward and smiles at Sara. “Can we go somewhere private? I have something to tell you.”

 

As predicted, Sara gets hysterical when she realizes Isak is genuinely trying to have a talk rather than make out with her. The talk about why he isn’t interested in her just makes things worse.

Isak doesn’t mention he’s gay because he doesn’t feel comfortable being that honest. Also, last night’s experience doesn’t really help. So he just says, “I think things are going too fast. I guess I need some time, it’s totally on me.”

Sara just stares at him as if he’s some kind of alien.

Isak laughs awkwardly. “Well, but you’re of course welcome on Friday. I think there will be a lot of hot guys.”

Sara rolls her eyes. “You’re so full of shit.” Then storms off.

 

Isak slowly but cheerfully walks back to the cafeteria, sitting down next to Jonas again.

Jonas asks with a big grin, “Yo, did you get some?” 

Isak punches him in the arm, then flips a finger at him. “I think she hates me now. But she’ll probably come to my house on Friday.”

They finish lunch, Isak feels reluctant to go to afternoon classes. After Jonas leaves for his class, Isak thinks about Even’s absence again. He pulls out his phone and sees a new message from Even. He couldn’t possibly open it any quicker.

“Hi Isak. I don’t know, but things are going too fast.. I guess I need some time, it’s totally on me, I’m really sorry.”

  

* * *

 

 

Friday night. The big party night.

Isak lies in bed, staring at the ceiling, his mind blank. Sulking can’t really describe the state he’s in. He never experienced depression before, only heard Even sharing brief words about that feeling. This feeling of emptiness must be something unhealthy.

He was grumpy all day, irritable, as Jonas accused. He got mad when his favorite sports drink sold out at the cafeteria, when a girl approached him and Jonas, when a guy on the opposite team scored a goal in football practice. But Isak finds it normal, since he didn’t have a good night of sleep yesterday. He basically stayed awake all night, just couldn’t fall asleep. There were so many questions on his mind.

He hears a knock, immediately gets furious, almost yelling out, “Keep the fuck out!”

Lea walks in, looking worried. “It’s me.”

“Oh.” Isak sits up, hands rubbing his hair. “Sorry.”

“Are you okay?” Lea closes the door behind her.

“Yeah.” Isak sniffs.

Lea observes her brother for a while, then hesitantly says, “I don’t really know many people down there, there are so many guests, it’s overwhelming.”

Lea was never comfortable with too many strangers, she would hide in her room when there were people visiting in their childhood. Their parents must be busy with entertaining their guests tonight, and she doesn’t really have many friends here.

Isak smiles and says, “I’m getting a little bored. Thinking about heading downstairs.”

Lea nods.

“You remember Jonas? I think he’ll be here in a minute. I’ll go find him later, you can come with me.” Isak checks his phone. “Okay he’s here already.” He gets up and walks to the door. “You wanna come?”

Lea smiles. “I haven’t seen him since primary school. You two still hang out?”

“Yeah, unfortunately.” Isak opens the door and goes downstairs with Lea.

 

They find Jonas with his dad, looking all smart in his suit. Isak doesn’t feel like talking, so he just listens to Lea and Jonas chatting about childhood memories. His heart finally feels a little bit of peace.

When Jonas starts to brag about his skateboard skills, Isak’s dad comes looking for his two children. He glances over Isak’s casual clothes and Lea’s startled look, sighs and asks them to follow him.

“Why do you need us?” Isak gets grumpy again.

“There’s someone I want you to meet.” Their dad points to a group of four standing next to their mom by the fireplace. “Mr. and Mrs. Naesheim, and their two sons.”

Lea lowers her head while walking after Isak, she suddenly bumps into him. “Oh sorry.” She looks up, realizes her brother stops walking. “What’s wrong?”

Isak can’t move his legs. He stares right across the room. He can see a tall figure talking with his mom right now, laughing so hard his body shakes.

Lea looks in the same direction, then back at Isak. She holds Isak’s arm, stands next to him.

Their dad speaks to the Naesheims, they all turn to look at Isak and Lea. The tall figure also looks at them, his smile slowly fading.

Yes. That’s definitely Even. His boyfriend, his need-some-time ex-boyfriend.

No. That’s not Even. Even is a Luhrmann, not some Naesheims. Surely he couldn’t be a Naesheim.

Isak can’t feel anything. He doesn’t even hear Lea calling his name, or feel her pinching his arm.

He does see Even looks at him briefly, then looks away.

 

 

Isak sits in the bathtub, playing games on his phone. He only has 8% battery left, but it doesn’t bother him. Nothing bothers him really.

Several people have come and go, they didn’t mind Isak, and Isak didn’t mind them. He just stares at the screen, though his eyes hurt.

He hears sharp noises above him. It takes him a moment to look away from his phone. It’s Sara talking to him.

She glances up and down at him. “You’re so fucking rude Isak Valtersen.”

Isak just stares at her with an empty look.

Sara rolls her eyes and keeps on talking. “Anyway, I was saying, you were right about this party having hot guys. I saw William, you know him? He’s dating this singer girl, someone named Noora I think? They’re just so good looking together, I bet they have a lot of sex. And there are two Chris here! I think the guy wanted to hook up with me, but I’m not interested in him at all. Okay, okay, I am a little interested in him, as a matter of fact. ...”

Isak goes back to playing games. He doesn’t need to listen to this shit.

“...and I bet that Emma is hooking up with someone right now! She’s such a slut. I heard her talking to a guy, Aksel I think? He’s still in middle school for god’s sake. Apparently she would fuck anyone with a dick. But that Aksel is gold mine, he’s a Naesheim, you know the Naesheims? You should know them, aren’t they going to buy your family business? They have two sons, that Even guy seems so mysterious, I’m kind of attracted to him. I tried to strike a conversation with him, but he didn’t talk much. He says his full name is Even Bech Naesheim, he went to our high school, you know? Then he transferred to another school for some reason, he didn’t say. If I was born earlier, I could’ve met him already! Fuck. Anyway, now he’s a college student. I heard other people say he’s in business school, and his parents let him handle some business. Maybe one day you’ll work for him you know? Wow, if I’m his employee, I’ll die every time I see him walking into the office.”

“Did they let him work on getting my dad’s business?” Isak asks calmly.

Sara seems startled by his sudden interruption. She shrugs, “I don’t know, maybe? I did hear the Naesheim couple praise their son, saying something like ‘he helped a lot with the Valtersens’, so I guess that’s Even? Oh. Oh shit. I’m sorry if you don’t like him or this topic. It’s just he’s really hot.”

Isak’s phone battery drops below 5%, shutting down automatically. He tucks it into his jeans’ pocket, managing to get out of the tub.

Before walking out of the bathroom, he smiles at Sara and says, “No worries. I don’t know him anyway.”

 

* * *

 

 

Saturday morning, the Valtersens gather at the train station to see Lea off.

Lea hugs each of them, the longest with Isak. She whispers, “It’s a pity I didn’t get to meet your boyfriend.”

Isak lowers his gaze. “Yeah. Maybe next time.”

On the way back, they drop Isak’s mom off at the psychiatric facility first. She is reluctant to go inside, which makes Isak feel sad.

His feelings gradually come back to him. Maybe it’s not a good thing.

Finally it’s just him and his dad in the car. Isak sees an ad for phone company, something like “Good signal, you’ll never lose touch with the precious one.” He pulls out his phone, calmly deleting all the conversations with Even, and adding his number to blacklist.

“Isak?” His dad coughs and looks at him through the rear mirror.

“Yeah?” He puts down his phone.

“Um, I didn’t get to see your boyfriend at the party, maybe we could get lunch or dinner together this week?”

Isak looks at his dad’s back. He suddenly feels great pain inside.

Maybe it’s because of the long silence, his dad turns around to look at him, asking again. “You know, casual lunch, or coffee.”

Isak smiles. “Sorry dad, that was a joke.”

“Oh.” His dad coughs again. “Okay.”

Isak feels warm tears forming in his right eye. He turns to the right, pretending to look at the scenery along the road.

His dad clears his throat and raises another topic. “Isak, your mom and I were talking about your college options. This being bought by other companies thing really struck me hard, I thought a lot about your future. I’m sorry about last time I yelled at you. I think medicine is a promising future for you, so if you want to apply for medical school, your mom and I will support you through it.”

Isak quickly wipes his tears, replies, “Yeah, about that. I’m thinking about business school actually. You know, medicine is too much work, I’m more interested in getting our brand back now.”

“Really?” His dad sounds suspicious. “You wanna go to business school?”

“Yeah.” Isak laughs. “I do now. I’m thinking about studying abroad, you know, maybe North America?”

“What’s happening?” His dad looks back at him, looking happily surprised. “Oslo is not enough for you, young man?”

Isak nods. “I want to go somewhere different, like Lea does. Meet new people. Maybe never come back!” He laughs.

“Okay.” His dad takes a deep breath in. “As long as it’s what you want to do.”

“It is, dad. That want-to-be-a-doctor thing is a joke as well.” Isak says.

Then he adds, “It’s not a joke, dad. It’s just over.”

 


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A time jump after the last chapter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for the comments!

**1.5 years later**

 

It’s cold on Christmas, even in Los Angeles.

Isak sways his hanging legs, hands in his pockets. He kind of misses the winter in Oslo.

This is the first Christmas he’s away from family. He could’ve gone home like every other foreign students did, but he canceled the flight at the last moment. He’s just not in a celebrating mood.

 

Half year in US. Things didn’t quite go as planned.

His first month passed quickly with getting to know the basics. The second month came with full-on culture shock, which he probably hasn’t survived yet. He majors in economics, math almost killed him. He used to be top students in high school, but in college everything seems different. And his social life. His devastating social life. He went to parties and had several hookups, that’s it. He has many new friends, those who find his accent lovely or exotic, but he doesn’t have friends he feel okay to share secrets with. At first he thought as time goes by he would find one or two people worth his time, but most people he met were boring and empty. Perhaps if he spent more sober time with them he’ll see a different picture, but that moment never came.

Time difference bothers him a lot. In the first two months, Jonas was spending his gap year in US, so they often chat to each other. It’s soothing to listen to Jonas talk about his travel experience, and very comforting to hear Norwegian. But then Jonas went to Asia, they sort of lost touch with each other, only had one or two brief talks since then. He didn’t want to talk to other friends at home, afraid to be asked why he chose to study abroad.

He did talk once a week with his dad, sometimes with Lea and mom too. The only problem is that he can feel how much hope his dad has on him. Though this hope was initially introduced by Isak himself, he gradually found it too heavy to shoulder. Especially before mid-terms, he woke up on his notes in the library, the first thought came to his mind was, why did I do this at all? He stopped thinking immediately, sipped cold coffee and went back to reviewing.

There are a lot of past memories haunting him. Usually he is able to fight back and push them down, and when he gets really drunk he would not be able to think properly at all. The problem is when he gets slightly drunk, his mind racing, his feelings amplified, that’s when he’s most vulnerable.

 

He was at this party for students that stayed at college on Christmas, and there were some insanely hot guys. He doubted whether they were really students, but what’s the point? No one wants to be alone on Christmas. So he had a few beers and let one of the hot ones talk him into making out in the bathroom.

They went into a stall, that guy bent down to suck Isak’s cock, damn he’s good at it. Isak was losing control, he felt the guy playing with his balls, and those magic fingers moved to his hole, tentatively pushing one in. Isak was still debating whether he should let him keep on doing that, the guy stood up and pushed Isak to the wall, licking his ear and asking, “You want to get fucked?”

A piece of memory came back to Isak. He was wearing a red cap, being pushed onto the wall made his head banging back, the cap fell down. Even smiled and groped him everywhere, he moaned loudly himself when jerking Isak off. Isak thought his legs couldn’t support him any longer, he wanted to kiss his boyfriend, but when he tried to Even playfully dodged his lips, instead licked his earlobe and whispered, “Tell me how bad you want to get fucked.”

Isak shivered, suddenly pushing the guy away. He couldn’t bear looking at him in the eye, hastily pulling his jeans up and ran out of the bathroom.

 

That’s how he ends up on the roof right now.

This rooftop is notorious for students committing suicides. Growing up as a 19 year old gay man, suicide has come across Isak’s mind several times. But he never had that strong drive to die. He doesn’t now either. He always wanted to come up here and see what it’s like to see the world from this angle. Does it really get that hopeless? What’s their last wishes before jumping down?

He hears steps behind him. He turns around quickly to check if it’s that guy he just turned down. It’s a girl, crying so hard her makeup is all over her face.

They stare at each other for a moment, then the girl looks away. Isak tries to look away as well, but he notices her going straight to the edge, as if determined to jump down.

He hesitates a while, asks anyway, “Hi?” 

“Get lost.” The girl sounds cold.

Isak squints his eyes. The girl is standing on the edge, her body looks tense. He has to try anyway. “Please don’t jump down. Whatever this is for, it’s not worth it.”

“What do you know.” The girl trembles with the wind.

“It’s just, if you die, no one will really care, so I don’t think it’s worth it.” Isak blinks.

“What did you say?” The girl’s eyes widen, looking at Isak angrily. “Who are you? Well don’t tell me, I don’t need to know another asshole before I die.”

“Asshole?” Isak looks around, “Are you referring to me? I’m like the saintest saint you’ll ever know.”

The girl sneers. “Yeah right.”

“I’m serious.” Isak stands up as well, moving slowly to the girl. “I’m such a saint, if you really want to die that much, I can push you down you know? You don’t have the guts to do it anyway.”

The girl stares at Isak, her eyes telling Isak to back off. Isak stops walking, carefully sits down on the edge again, looking up at her. “It’s really not worth it.”

The girl looks away. “I know you’re trying to save me or anything, thank you, please just leave me be.”

“What’s your name?”

“None of your business.”

Isak nods, “Okay Ms.None-of-your-business, I’m Isak, in English that’s Issac, I guess? I’m from Norway, have you heard of it?”

The girl looks down, more tears rolling down on her face.

“You're not much of a talker, huh. Well it’s a good chance for me to practice my English then. You know my roommates says I have a bad accent. That’s just rude, I listened to Nas.. no, I listened to NWA for years, I know I have a perfect accent.”

“Aren’t they like...old pervs?” The girls asks.

“What?” Isak palms his forehead. “They’re at least old artists okay? Who call them pervs?” He looks at her, judging her expressions. “Anyway, I just had a hookup, and I ran out like a crazy person. Maybe I am crazy.”

The girls sounds cold again. “Pity on the girl.” She turns to Isak, looking very angry. “You’re one of them aren’t you? Use a girl and then throw her away, like toilet paper? You guys are the worst.”

Isak laughs. “Well I do use and throw away toilet paper, but I don’t really do that with girls.” He pats on the surface, “Why don’t you sit down? It’s warmer sitting down this way.”

“They all say they aren’t like that.” The girl still seems angry, but she finally sits down, with some distance between them.

Isak feels a little bit more relaxed. “Maybe. I really don’t, I’m gay.”

The girl immediately turns to look at him. “Oh. Cool.”

“Cool? That’s the word?” Isak laughs, “You know I don’t really feel comfortable telling people that.”

 

The girl tells Isak her name is something like Kristin, but Isak doesn’t know how to spell it. He decides to ask her later.

Kristin says she was dating this football player, really hot and famous in the college. They were high school sweethearts, her being a cheerleader and him being a promising player. Things were fine before college, but as soon as he joined a frat house, he got more and more distant with her. She tried to make things work, but found out he had been cheating on her all this time in college.

“Maybe he fell in love with someone else, maybe he just got bored with me. I just don’t understand why he tried so hard to lie to me. He could’ve told me straight and broken up with me, I wouldn’t waste time guessing so much and waiting for him you know? He says he doesn’t want me to get hurt, but this way I hurt even more!”

Apparently the last talk they had tonight was so devastating to Kristin, she got so emotional, she felt like nothing else mattered in her life. There was only one thing still on her mind, that she’ll do something to revenge that asshole, to make him regret every decision he’s ever made about her, to haunt him all his life.

Kristin stops talking. She feels so tired after all. She looks at Isak, who seems to be deep in his thoughts. ”What’s your story then?”

Isak tells her he didn’t have such experience, but he surely had similar feelings. He decides to not share too much about his past, because he doesn’t really know why things happened the way they did. He does tell Kristin that like love, hate will decrease with time as well, if you don’t remind yourself of it everyday. He tried shutting down his feelings, this method worked well, only occasionally did he feel anything.

 

“But what’s the point in living?” Kristin frowns. “If you don’t have feelings anymore.”

“Well. You get some, you lose some.” Isak smiles.

Kristin doesn’t seem to buy it. “So this feelings you had, was it also because of a guy?”

Even’s appears in Isak’s mind. He shakes his head then nods.

“Did you get closure? I think that’s the word they use.” Kristin asks.

 

No, he didn’t. Isak hasn’t spoken to Even since that Friday party. He tried to shut Even out completely, just like he shut down his feelings, and it wasn’t much effort because Even didn’t really try to reach out to him either.

Jonas realized who Even was a few days later, he had met Even in a business party before, that’s why he found him familiar. He noticed how Isak never mentioned Even or his love life after the party, and soon figured out what happened. He tried to apologize to Isak once, Isak stopped him in the middle. When Isak got the letter from UCLA, Jonas hugged him and gave his congratulations, but he didn’t seem so enthusiastic like other friends Isak had. That’s how Isak knew Jonas knew him well.

Right now, being asked by this girl about closure, some feelings are stirred up within Isak. What happened to Even afterwards? Why didn’t he explain? Why did he seem so in love, when everything was just pretending?

 

“You’re crying.” Kristin says.

Isak startles. He coughs and quickly wipes the tears away, laughing with a slightly stuffed nose, “I get like this when there’s alcohol in me. Can’t control it, cry like a girl.”

“Hey.” Kristin rubs his back.

Isak smiles at her, “Well you’ve seen me cry, I’m afraid I’ll have to kill you now. I’ll just push you down as I offered.”

Kristin laughs and gives him a hand. “I want to go back to the party now. You coming?”

 

They stay together after that. Isak learns that Kristin’s looking for a roommate in her apartment, which suits Isak well, because he can’t really handle his snoring roommate.

Isak feels someone checking them out, but he doesn’t have the chance to respond, because like every American college girl Isak’s ever known, Kristin gets really drunk very soon, and she’s all over the place. Isak may just met her an hour ago, but she already designates him as her best gay friend. She even makes Isak do pinky promises with her, swearing they will never fall in love with an asshole again. Isak points out that’s statistically impossible, but drunk Kristin doesn’t listen.

That’s when Isak hears a voice so similar to Even’s, he immediately turns to look at the guy, only to find someone else.

Kristin is not happy with how Isak gets distracted easily. He sighs and proposes a plausible promise instead, which is never to fall in love with the same asshole again. Kristin laughs so hard at him, asking why would they? Why the hell would they?

 

Finally Kristin needs to go to the bathroom, she asks Isak to go inside with her, which Isak immediately refuses. They spend some time arguing while queuing, Isak doesn’t know why this girl couldn’t understand that though gay men may not want to “grab that pussy” like straight guys do, it’s not like seeing female genitals is pleasurable to them.

He sends Kristin in and closes the door after her, standing near the bathroom to wait for her. He has never done this in the past, it’s such a weird new experience.

 

The bathroom door swings open, Isak prepares to get Kristin and ask her to go home. He sees Even standing in front of him, looking nervous. His brain shuts down completely.

Even looks up and down at him.

Even tries to smile.

Even is thinner than he remembered. So pale. His hair still perfect.

Even says he’s on an exchange program, he arrived before Christmas.

Even asks, “Did you uber here?”

Isak doesn’t understand what he’s asking.

Even tries to smile again. “I assume you didn’t continue your driving lessons.”

They’re staring into each other’s eyes. Isak forgot how blue and piercing those eyes were.

He feels himself lose control of this body. He doesn’t know what he’s saying anymore. “Yeah, I’m spoiled, remember?”

Even grins, but it fades quickly.

Behind Even, the bathroom swings open again, Kristin stumbles out.

Even hesitates a while and says, “Isak, I..”

“Kristin!” Isak yells, catching up with the girl. “Let’s get you home.”

 


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think this chapter may be challenging for some, mentions of bipolar disorder treatment.  
> Also this is the last chapter in Isak's POV, I'm thinking about another time jump in next chapter, and finally I can tell the story in Even's POV.

 

Unknown

12:30am

Hi Isak, it’s Even Bech Naesheim. I’m sitting in the library, thinking about what happened between us.

Maybe you hate me now, I totally accept that, I’m sorry for everything. Hit me up if you want to talk.

How did you get my number

Whatever I’m blocking you rn

 

* * *

 

 

Isak received Even’s message when he was hanging out with Kristin. She was still recovering from hangover, her memory about last night was a blur. She did remember it was Isak that prevented her from suicide, so after a million awkward thanks and you-are-welcomes, she didn’t hesitate at all when Isak asked if he could be her new roommate.

Suffering from headache, Kristin decided there was nothing more soothing than an episode of Keeping Up with the Kardashians. Isak needed something to divert his attention as well, so he happily obliged.

Isak blocked the number and resumed watching. He stared at the tv screen and said, “Did you know Kim used to be really slim and bony?”

Kristin stared at him and asked, “Hey, I saw you doing that thing on your phone. Who is it?”

Isak frowned. “Why?”

“Okay Danish guy, I may be drunk but I’m not stupid.” Kristin seemed confident. “You’re different after something happened on your phone.”

Isak rolled his eyes big time. “I’m not Danish, I’m Norwegian.”

“Okay, that’s totally not the point?!” Kristin was getting excited at her discovery. “Is that your boyfriend? Or ex boyfriend? I’m sensing huge anger from you and a slight hint of sadness. Did he cheat on you? Oh right, you said you had similar experience with me. This guy lied to you didn’t he? And he must have done something really horrible to you, judging by your reaction. Tell me what he did to you!!!”

Isak was genuinely surprised. “You deducted all of that just by looking at me play with my phone?”

Kristin smiled. “Don’t mess with a woman. Now tell me!!!”

Isak pointed to the tv, “Kim’s crying so hard for your attention.”

Kristin clicked the remote to turn off the tv. “You have my full attention. Spill!!!”

“It’s basically just like what you said,” Isak shrugged, “I don’t want him in my life anymore, so that’s it, I blocked him.” He stood up and yawned. “I’m getting coffee. You want one?”

 

Despite the effort Isak put in to not talk about Even, Kristin had her special interrogating skills to get everything she wanted to know. She was mad at Even at first, but after she saw a picture of him, her attitude changed a little bit.

“You know, he did come all the way here for you.” 

“That’s a stretch.” Isak regrets showing her the picture. “I’m sure he didn’t join an exchange program for me.”

“But you hope he did.”

Isak shakes his head. “No I don’t Kristin, and should I remind you, you’re supposed to be on my side.”

“I’m not on anyone’s side, love is not a war. Plus, we’ve only been roommates for what, 2 weeks? We’re not that close you know.”

“You’re wearing nothing but a towel, sitting on my bed, talking about my ex, but sure, we’re not close.” Isak checks his phone while talking.

“Did he send you another message?” Kristin tries to peek.

“I don’t want to talk about him anymore.” Isak fakes a smile. “Why don’t we talk about your research project? The one due tomorrow? Have you started yet?”

Kristin complains about how boring he is and goes back to her room, probably starting on her project, as soon as she finishes her twitter-instagram-snapchat-tumblr routine. Isak closes the door, slowly sits down on his bed while checking his phone again.

He did block that number, so he didn’t receive any new messages from it. But there was another number sending him a message yesterday, saying he or she is a friend of Even, and Even could be found at the library every evening from 1900 to 2100.

Isak finds this new message rather annoying, he deleted it immediately. Then he regretted not blocking this number before deleting it. It’s been on his mind since then, that maybe this person will send him other messages about Even. But that didn’t happen.

 

* * *

 

 

Isak has been avoiding the library for two weeks. When he needed books from the library, he begged Kristin to do it for him. Kristin was suspicious of his behavior, but helped him anyway.

Isak began to see pictures of Even popping up on his facebook and instagram. He thought about blocking these mutual friends, but decided it was too antisocial.

One day in cafeteria, a girl came to his table and asked him if he knew Even. Isak explained to her that it’s not possible for him to know every Norwegian guy on campus, she accused him of overreacting.

Isak vaguely remembered last time he was accused of overreacting, it was when he told Jonas about applying to UCLA. Jonas apologized later, but asked him to “maybe talk to Even”. Isak refused to do it then, and he will not do it now. That’s how stubborn he is.

 

A month after meeting Even at the party, Isak receives a call from his dad.

The Valtersens are doing great. They opened a new store in Oslo, profits gradually growing.

His dad sounds enthusiastic over the phone, planning to open another store next year, if things go well, maybe they’ll turn it into a chain stores thing.

Isak smiles while listening to his dad. He likes the confidence and ambition in his voice.

His dad says, “Jans and Elina really sticked to their words, we’re more like friends than business partners now.”

“Oh yeah?” Isak yawns, he doesn’t know who these people are. He’s used to thinking about other stuff while talking with his dad, occasionally replying “good”s and “really”s.

“When they first said they just wanted to invest, I had my reasonable doubts, but now I guess I had bad judgement then. They deserve a better reputation.”

“You never know.” Isak plays with his pencil.

His dad goes on to ask how Isak’s doing at university. He replies that things are fine, he moved into a new apartment and is busy with school work. That’s kind of a lie, because he spent most of his time watching netflix and porn. Kristin dragged him to some parties to be her wingman, which Isak wasn’t so keen on.

Then all of a sudden, his dad mentions Even. “Do you remember Even Naesheim, the elder son? I think he’s exchanging in the same university with you.”

Isak doesn’t even blink, “Oh really.”

His dad sighs. “That’s a good kid, and a poor kid. I heard Elina spent a whole year to help him get better. I was with your mom when she went through ECT, that was horrible for us, I can’t imagine how Elina felt about her son’s condition, ‘highs and lows, ECT cures them all’, it’s good she could still make jokes about it.”

Isak feels confused. “Who is Elina?”

“Even’s mom. You met her on a party at our house, remember? Come to think about it, she and Jans specifically asked to see you then, but you just ran away like that, you were surely something Isak Valtersen.” His dad laughs over the phone.

Isak’s vision is getting blurred, his throat dry. “Dad. I really don’t understand what you’re saying. You’re calling the Naesheims by their first names now? What are you, friends?”

“Yeah.” His dad hesitates, then confirms again. “Yeah, we’re business partners. When they knew you were taking management courses, they suggested you could intern at their company.”

“When did all of this happen?” There is a huge fireball in Isak’s body that’s about to explode. “Last time we talked, or the time before that, or any time before that, you hate the Naesheims, dad, remember? They bought our business didn’t they?”

His dad sounds a little surprised with Isak’s agitation. “Well, yes and no, son, like I said, it’s more like investing than buying, we still own our brand.”

Isak silently curses to himself. He palms his forehead. “Dad, please tell me it’s a joke. Why didn’t you tell me? I was all about revenging the Naesheims and shit, for so long time!”

“Really? I mean..”

“I can’t talk about it right now, I’ll call you later dad, bye.” Isak hangs up.

 

He is breathing so fast and shallow. He’s worried about getting hyperventilated, but nothing could make him calm down. They say everyone will go through at least one time of personal crises, if that party night was the first time for Isak, then right now it’s the second time. And it’s even worse than the first time.

Things he just heard from his dad, they don’t make sense at all. What the fuck happened between them? What the fuck happened to Even?

Isak grabs his phone, opening his messages with trembling hands.

If only he didn’t delete that message from Even’s friend. He can’t remember when to meet Even at the library.

With courage coming from nowhere, Isak types in “are you at the library” to Even’s number, then bolts outside his apartment.

 

 

As soon as he arrives at the library, a part of him regrets doing so. It’s already been a month, who would wait for a month to talk? It’s possible Even has met someone new already. Even’s probably at some party enjoying himself.

Isak checks every room in the library, even toilets on each floor, but he didn’t find Even.

There’s a loud thunder in the sky. Downpour comes in seconds. Stuck in the library with no umbrella, just his luck.

Isak observes other students either take their own umbrella or have some one pick them up. He remembers a long time ago, Even would wait for him somewhere outside campus, his smile so bright while Isak walked towards him.

Isak sits in a chair, feeling the heat in his heart and body gradually cooling down. This is so stupid. He doesn’t even know if Even received that message or not. What was he expecting anyway? That Even would be there for him, wait for him at the library? This is ridiculous.

He thinks about calling Even, but then decides against it. He doesn’t want to seem even more desperate. If Even doesn’t come, he’s clearly not interested in Isak’s bullshit. No need to hear it again.

Then he hears his name called, in a familiar voice.

Isak turns around, seeing Even standing behind him breathing heavily, his clothes soaked, his hair a mess, and there is rain or sweat all over his anxious face.

Even manages to smile at him.

 

They go to a staircase, each leaning against a wall, facing each other.

Isak watches as Even sneezes for a few times. He asks, “You cold?”

“Nah.” Even smiles. “Sorry I didn’t see your message earlier.”

Isak lowers his head. “Don’t be. I forgot the time you mentioned about being at the library, when was that?”

Even seems confused. “What time at the library?”

Isak stares at him, also confused. “Didn’t one of your friends send me a message? Saying that I can find you at the library for a limited time everyday.”

“I didn’t ask anyone to do that.” Even frowns. “I would never do that, that sounds so weird.”

Isak doesn’t push on this topic, he smiles and says, “I guess it’s a prank.”

They smile at each other, then silence.

The longer time they spend not talking, the more difficult it gets to start talking. Isak stares at Even for a while, as soon as Even stares back, he would turn his gaze somewhere else, feeling a sudden acceleration of heart rate. Then he feels Even looks away, he stares at Even again.

“So.” Even breaks the silence. “I guess I owe you an apology.” 

 

He goes on to apologize for not telling Isak who he really was. Maybe it wouldn’t have made any difference to their relationship, but then it seemed like a big deal. As they fell deeper in love with each other, he found it even harder to tell the truth. Especially after Isak started using hate to describe his feelings towards the Naesheims, Even got coldfeet, he created more lies to cover for ones he told before. In the end things didn’t work well, of course, and it all came down to that party, when he had to face Isak in his real identity, the son of the Naesheims. He knew Isak well, he knew it would break Isak, but before he could do anything to save their love, depression came, crushing himself first.

 

Isak licks his dry lips. “I heard you went through ECT therapy.” He tries to hold his voice still.

Even seems a little surprised. “I did. Well it’s no big deal, they kind of modified the method, it’s like a mild seizure.”

“My mom had ECT once. She says she would rather die than do it again.” Isak looks down at his feet.

Even smiles, slightly moving his body. “Yeah I know that feeling. It’s not for everyone. I guess I was too depressed, not many options to choose from. And then I was too high,” he laughs, “that’s really funny. Mood stabilizers failed me, so ECT kind of saved me again. Aksel says I was crazy for a whole year, guess he’s right in a way, I’ve wondered if I’ll ever be normal again.”

“Don’t say that.” Isak feels tightness in his chest. “I’m so sorry you went through all that.” He swallows another sentence down, I’m so sorry I wasn’t there for you.

“But looking on the bright side, now I get to do whatever I want.” Even shrugs, “My parents finally gave up on the idea of me becoming their heir to the empire, Aksel is more suitable. They asked me what I wanted to do after recovery, I told them I always dreamed of Los Angeles, for the film industry,” He stares at Isak in the eye, “for the people here.”

 

This staircase is narrow. If Isak jumps from where he’s standing, he will land on Even. Maybe it’s the dim light, maybe it’s the nostalgia he’s feeling, or maybe he just misses touch from another person, Isak is trying so hard not to lunge forward and hug Even, or do something else at the same time.

His mind is a mess. Since they never literally broke up, does it mean they’re still kind of together as boyfriends? Surely boyfriends don’t block each other’s number or refuse to talk for a year and a half, but what Even means by coming to LA for the people here? That’s gotta be him, right? Kristin was right about that, Even did come here for him. Now that their families are friends, where to find a better chance to make up?

 

“Isak?” Even waves his hand in front of Isak’s eyes, smiling. “You’re not talking for a long time.”

Isak realizes Even’s stepping closer to him. If he reaches out, he can grab Even by his arms. He speaks in a low voice, “I miss hearing Norwegian.”

Even says, “Do you not talk with your parents and Lea?”

“I do.” Isak looks up at Even, “I mean, I miss hearing your voice.”

He licks his lips again. He notices Even’s gaze turns to his lips then back at his eyes, and Even’s expression changes. They are both breathing shallowly. Isak let his lips part slightly, he remembers it would drive Even crazy.

“I miss you too.” Even whispers.

They’re about to kiss, at least Isak’s about to kiss Even, when Even’s phone rings.

 

Even glances at the screen, his expression changes again. He picks up, and turns to face the other wall, speaking English.

“Yeah? I’m at the library. Um, in a staircase, the west one on the second floor, I think. Oh yeah? Okay I can hear your steps.”

Before he hangs up, a guy appears below the stairs, running up towards them. Isak watches him kiss Even on the lips. Even seems to enjoy it.

Even puts a hand on the guy’s waist, gesturing to Isak, “This is Isak.” And he looks at Isak, gesturing at the guy, “This is Jason, my boyfriend.”

Jason quickly interrupts, “Boyfriend and caretaker.” He smiles at Isak proudly. “I’ve heard so many things about you, Isak.”

Isak nods at Jason. He has to say something, or it’s too awkward. “Are you also a student?”

“Yes, I’m pre-med.” Jason lays his head on Even’s shoulder, “why don’t you tell Isak how we met?”

“Jason was exchanging to UiO, he met me in psychiatric ward, I was in a bad place.” Even speaks. “And he encouraged me to come here.”

“We’ve been together for almost a year now.” Jason kisses Even’s cheek. “A record for me and a record for Even.”

Even has little eye contact with Isak now, his full attention seems to be on Jason.

Isak checks his phone and says, “Maybe we should head back?”

 

Jason asks Even to check whether it’s still raining, he stays behind to walk with Isak.

This may be the most awkward moment in Isak’s life. He wants to walk faster, but Jason isn’t in a hurry.

When Even walks further away, Jason smiles at Isak and says coldly, “I know what you’re doing, dear Isak.”

Isak frowns at him. “What?”

Jason keeps smiling. “When Even told me about what he did with you, I immediately knew why he missed it so much. Elevated mood, a lot of sex, new plans, risky behavior, sound familiar? They’re all symptoms! He thinks he misses you, but no, he just misses his hypomania. Can't blame him, most bipolar patients do the same thing, they never have that insight.”

Isak is so shocked, he can’t form a response.

“I know it’s hard for you, in a way you’re also a victim.” Jason nods with a stern face, then smiles again, “I just want to remind you, it’s not your fault because you didn’t knew, but now you do know, please show some respect and stay away from us.” He steps closer to Isak, looking at him right in the eye. “I was trying to have a talk with you face to face, but you didn’t bite my bait, I thought I was wrong about you, maybe you’ve already moved on. But no, aren’t you something Isak, just one message, he didn’t even consult with me, just rushed all the way here to see you. I’ve really underestimated you, Isak.”

“It’s still pouring.” Even comes back. He looks at Jason, “You took umbrella with you right?”

“Yes I did.” Jason smiles, “But I only had one. Isak was just telling me how happy he feels for us. You have a great friend, Even.”

Even looks at Isak and nods.

Isak says, “My roommate is coming to get me, you two should go.”

They leave with Jason sticking to Even’s side tightly, an umbrella above their head. Even turns his head to look back at Isak, mouthing “Are you okay”. Isak doesn’t respond, just looks at him until they disappear into the rain.

Isak feels a part of himself disappears with it too.

 

* * *

 

 

Kristin walks out in her pajamas, yawning and says, “Finally! I was getting seriously worried about you.”

When she sees more clearly, she realizes Isak didn’t come back alone. She looks at the other guy, not sure what to do.

Isak pulls the guy into his room and closes the door, leaving smells of alcohol and cigarettes all over the place.

Kristin watches Isak’s door, wondering if she should check on Isak again. Suddenly the door opens, Isak walks out, wearing nothing but boxers. He goes straight to Kristin, asking if she has condoms.

“Yeah I got a few.” She goes back to her room, glancing at the clock, it says 0200.

She prepares to give the whole box to Isak, not sure how many she should offer. When she comes back to the living room, Isak’s sitting on the sofa, his face buried in his hands, his whole body trembling.

“Are you okay Isak?” Kristin glances at Isak’s bedroom door. “You know you can always ask him to go away.”

Isak stands up, he’s not crying, but his face looks so tired. He grabs the box from Kristin’s hand, “Thanks.” And goes back to his room.

 


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So from this chapter on it's gonna be Even's POV.  
> Hope you guys enjoy.

 

3 months later

 

They were never a good match, he knew it, and Jason seemed to know it as well, but somehow they shared a consensus not to talk about it for a long time, meanwhile pretending to be deeply in love.

Their relationship was already dying in Oslo, flying to a new country kind of saved it. It was difficult for Even to break things up with Jason, because he felt like he owed Jason a lot of things.

He tried to make things work by planning a visit to Jason’s family on Christmas, but Jason canceled their flight. Even asked for reasons, Jason failed to give him an explicit answer.

Seeing Isak again didn’t really help. He felt worse, as if he cheated on Jason. He noticed how Jason tried to control him in more ways, like checking his phone and spending almost every minute with him. This relationship is killing him.

 

Friday morning, Even wakes up and takes his meds. When he finishes that glass of water, he calmly decides to break up with Jason.

Jason is making coffee. He says, “Okay.” Like he’s not surprised at all.

There is no fight, no accusations and yelling, a very peaceful breakup. Even feels relieved, he tries his best to help Jason in any way possible.

The day Jason officially moves out, Even drives his now ex-boyfriend to his new apartment. When they finish unpacking and everything, it’s already in the evening. Jason asks him to stay for pizza, Even figures it wouldn’t hurt.

After pizza dinner, they start watching tv together. Jason asks him if he wants another beer, Even stands up and says, “I think I better head back.”

Jason checks his phone. “Why? It’s still early.”

This scene is making him sad and nostalgic. Even takes a deep breath and says, “I got other plans.”

“Oh okay.” Jason nods, still playing with his phone. “I have something to ask you, Even. I’m not bitter or anything, but I just really want to know, did you break up with me because of Isak?”

It feels weird to hear this name from Jason. Even denies it immediately, “No.”

“Okay. Good to know.” Jason nods again. “I just want to remind you that your ex is not a simple man, I’ve heard rumors about him.”

“I don’t really care for rumors.” Even walks to the door, Jason follows to see him off.

“Anyway, I saw on facebook, he’s at some party, really drunk.” Jason shows him a picture on his phone. “Wouldn’t want to be him tonight.”

Even almost failed to recognize Isak with a buzz head.

 

 

Even had stayed away from wild parties for a while.

No one is at the door checking for identity, there are alcohol and weed everywhere.

He finally finds Isak upstairs with two guys, they don’t seem friendly, but Isak doesn’t seem to mind. He is dead drunk.

Even pulls him out of the party, Isak keeps frowning at him. When they cross the lawn in front of the house, Isak pushes him away really hard.

Cold wind runs through Even’s body. He takes a deep breath, going near Isak again, trying to persuade a drunk guy to go home.

Isak curses, “what the fuck do you care.”

Even doesn’t respond, just silently pulls him to his car. Surprisingly, there isn’t much resistance from Isak after that one comment.

 

Even hesitates where he should take Isak to. He doesn’t know where Isak lives, and taking him back to his apartment seems somehow inappropriate. In the end he drives Isak to a motel near campus, feeling rather awkward when the owner give them weird looks.

He puts Isak down on one of the twin beds, helps him take off some clothes. Isak suddenly grabs his arm, making him fall on him. He smirks, “Is this where you take your boyfriend on a date? You’re downgrading, Naesheim.”

“And you’re very drunk, Isak.” Even tries to stand straight, but Isak pulls him closer.

“I’m very horny. You wanna fuck me now?” Isak’s hand slides down to grab Even’s dick, his eyelids almost closing.

“No.” Even gains balance over one hand, using the spare hand to pull Isak’s arm away. “I’ll get you some water.”

When he comes back with water, Isak’s already dozed off. He sits on the other bed watching Isak, himself falling asleep quickly.

 

Sunshine goes through the curtains, silently lays on Isak in bed.

Even woke up earlier. He has been observing Isak for a while. He’s trying to get used to Isak’s buzz cut. Isak seems like a totally different person with this haircut.

They once cut each other’s hair in Oslo. Isak was being way too serious, pushing Even’s playful hands away from his body all the time. When it’s his turn, Even took his time with neck and head massage. In the end Isak didn’t get his haircut, but a sore asshole instead.

Even’s gaze wanders to Isak’s ass.

“Pervert.” Isak mumbles.

Even is startled. He checks on Isak, whose eyes are closing. “Morning?” He tries.

“Get me an aspirin.” Isak frowns with his eyes closed. “No, two.”

Even stands up from the chair he’s sitting in. “I have some in my apartment.” He pauses. “You can come with me.”

He patiently waits for Isak’s response. Isak looks at him, closing his eyes again.

 

Even learns that Isak still doesn’t know how to drive.

When they get to his apartment, Isak rushes to the bathroom to throw up while Even looks for aspirin. Isak takes them and asks for a toothbrush, but Even doesn’t have a spare one left. He writes “toothbrush” on a sticky note.

“You don’t need to...your memory sucks.” Isak rolls his eyes.

“Really bad.” Even puts the note on his fridge. “ECT killed my brain.”

Isak stares at him for a while, then silently goes to take a shower.

Even remembers something. He hasn’t taken his meds yet.

 

He’s lost in his thoughts when Isak shouts his name in the bathroom.

“What do you need?” Even stands outside the bathroom, lowering his head as he asks.

“Can you get me some clothes? Mine smell.” Isak yawns as he speak. “And some towels?”

When Even comes back, the bathroom door is half open. Isak’s arm reaches out for the clothes.

Even can see Isak’s reflection in the mirror through the gap. He can’t turn his eyes away.

Isak’s body changed a lot in the past months. But Even can’t be sure of when, after all he hasn’t seen Isak naked for a long time. He must have been bulking up on purpose. Pecs, abs, and Even wants to bite on those biceps. To touch that warm skin, to taste his temperature.

Isak bends down to put on sweatpants, his ass showing fully in the mirror. His ass was round and cute, now it seems bigger, a perfect bubblebutt. There’s waterdrops rolling on his back, all the way down to his ass crack. Even licks his lips.

Isak turns around, his hand goes to adjust his dick in the sweatpants. Even realizes he hasn’t brought Isak a new pair of underwear. Imagining that dick hanging freely in that sweatpants, maybe shaking left to right when Isak walks, Even feels his own dick twitching a little.

Suddenly Isak looks up and catches his gaze in the mirror, they are both a little shocked, staring at each other in the mirror.

Even pushes the door open, kneeling down in front of Isak, who turns to face him with a startled expression. Even looks up at Isak, “Can I suck you off?”

Isak leans back onto the sink. He nods.

With that, Even pulls down the sweatpants Isak just put on, grabbing Isak’s dick. He finds it half erect. Is it because of him? Even doesn’t have time to think. He licks the head of that dick, then sucks on it a few times, making Isak gasp. He sucks more into his mouth, tongue twirling around, gags as the dickhead hits the back of his throat. He jerks it a few times, feeling his mouth watering as he stares at Isak’s dick. He can see precums leaking through. When he licks the dickhead this time, Isak’s hand sinks into his hair, pulls one time or two times, then stays there. Even tries sucking all of it in one more time, gags again, he feels more eager to up his performance.

Isak starts jerking off himself, slightly pushing Even’s head to his crotch, asking, “Lick my balls.”

Even uses his tongue to massage Isak’s balls, puts one of them into his mouth, gently sucks on it, then treats the other one in the same way. Isak moans as Even sucks harder, his hand moving slower, legs tense and shaking.

Even takes it from Isak, jerking and sucking his dick at the same time, his spare hand touching and slightly squeezing the balls. He hears Isak’s moaning get higher and shorter, he’s panting so hard. Then Isak uses more force with his hand on Even’s head, forcing him to go faster on his dick. Even puts his two hands on Isak’s thighs, letting Isak fuck his face. He feels like gagging several times, and his eyes are watering. Isak’s going really deep in his mouth, then suddenly he pulls out, slowly jerking as cum spurts out of his dick, his upper body curling down.

Isak steps into the shower again, not looking back at Even.

Even looks at himself in the mirror. Hair’s a mess, lips are wet, tongue and cheeks are sore. But that moan is the best sound Even’s heard in several months.

He silently walks out of the bathroom, closing the door behind him.

 

Isak goes into the living room in Even’s shirt and sweatpants. Even’s sitting on the sofa, looking up at him. “You need another aspirin?”

“No.” Isak sits down on the edge of the sofa, his body looks tense.

They stay silent for a while.

“Where’s your boyfriend?” Isak asks without looking at Even.

“Broke up.” Even replies without looking at Isak.

Isak nods, his tongue twirling in his mouth.

Silence again.

“I think I should go back to my place.” Isak slightly turns his head.

“Okay.” Even nods. “I’ll drive you.”

 

* * *

 

 

2 months later

 

Sunshine goes through the curtains, silently lays on Isak’s naked body.

Even feels drunk. Drunk in the view of Isak. He should be used to this view by now, considering they’ve been fucking a lot recently. But it never seems enough.

It took him some time to get used to Isak’s new hairstyle, kiwi, as Isak’s girl roommate calls it. Isak is indeed bulking up his body, showing off his biceps from time to time. Even’s fond of his pecs and abs, when he fucks Isak missionary, he likes to put his fist on those tight pecs, and he just can’t stop touching them when he worships Isak’s body.

 

Their fuck last night was tremendous. Isak’s bed was a pain, always squeaking, but they were in such a great mood, neither wanted to wait until they got to Even’s apartment. Besides, it’s not the first time they fucked somewhere else than a bed.

Isak was horny as fuck, he dragged the duvet onto the floor, and pushed Even down on it before straddling him. Their kisses were messy, Even felt like his spit was all over Isak’s face and neck, some on his nipples too.

Isak whispers to his ear, “I want you to fuck me bareback.”

Even felt his dick rock hard. He looked around for the lube. “Where’s the lube?”

“No lube either.” Isak spit on his palm and jerked Even a few times, then put his hands on Even’s shoulder as he sat down on Even’s dick.

So tight, so warm. Even could never get enough of this feeling. How could it be so good? He guided Isak up and down while he got used to his dick.

“Pound up into me.” Isak used his hands and knees to support himself.

Even adjusted his position, hands resting on Isak’s thighs. He started fucking upwards slowly, observing Isak’s face as he did so.

Isak moaned and nudged him, “Faster.”

Even increased the speed, he saw Isak opened his mouth as he moaned, his body curling. “Just like that, fuck, oh god...”

“Just like that?” Even grabbed Isak’s ass as he pounded harder into him, he loved Isak’s response with broken “yes” and “oh god”s, and how his voice got really high and weak. He changed his tempo, slowly fucking to make Isak begging for more, and suddenly gave it to him fast and deep, making Isak a moaning mess. Isak got so high, he could barely make sounds in the end, as if his throat muscles lost function all together.

“Feel good?” Even demanded. Isak nodded in response. Even kept fucking him, “Say it. Say how good it feels.”

Isak managed to speak out, “Feels so good.” He gave out a long moan right after Even pushed really deep into him. “So good..”

Even held Isak as he changed their position, Isak seemed so soft as he was pinned down onto the duvet. Even stared at Isak as he kept pounding, he loved how twisted Isak’s face was, that’s how good Isak felt.

He leaned forward, putting more weight onto Isak. Isak’s eyes were dazed, he touched Even’s chest and arms, his toes curling so hard as he came.

Even came inside Isak seconds after, he saw Isak’s dick spurting out cum. He put Isak’s legs down, grabbed his dick, thumb gently brushed over the dickhead.

As Isak moaned and tried to get away, Even pinned him down again, whispering to his ear, “It’s the first time you came without hands.”

Isak turned to look at Even. They kissed deep and long.

 

Merely thinking about it, Even’s aroused again. He wants to pull out his dick and jerk off, but considering Isak’s right in front of him, jerking off seems like the worst option for getting off.

Maybe he should wake Isak up with passionate kisses, or even a blowjob. He remembers how Isak woke him up last Sunday, he opened eyes to Isak’s head bobbing up and down at his crotch.

Come to think about it, they’ve really been fucking a lot recently, literally day and night. Yesterday they were heading back to his apartment as usual, but Isak said he needed to fetch something from his roommate. Even wanted to wait in the car, he feared running into that girl roommate, because she would ask him a lot of questions. Isak insisted on them going inside together, and as soon as they entered his room, Isak pulled that duvet down onto the floor.

He’s thinking about sex again. Even closes his eyes, taking deep breaths. Checklist. Sleep less, no. Elevated mood, no. Or maybe? Mind racing, no. Talk too much, no. Fuck too much, yes? He’s having more sex in the past month. But it’s all with Isak, not random sex.

He hears a sigh from the bed. Isak’s awake and yawning. “What time is it?”

Even checks the clock on the wall. “Ten to nine.”

“Fuck.” Isak slowly get up, sniffing. “I’m so hungry.”

“I can fix you something.” Even looks to the door, thinking about options for breakfast.

“Let’s go out.” Isak picks up his jeans from the floor. “Just give me ten minutes.”

 

Even sits in the living room waiting for Isak. He looks around, feeling really nervous. Yet what he fears always comes.

“Oh hi.” That girl roommate walks out of the kitchen, glancing at him.

“Hi.” Even smiles at her. What’s her name again? Isak doesn’t really talk about her. Isak doesn’t really talk about himself either.

“Are you guys back together?” The girl sips probably coffee from her mug.

Even parts his lips. “I don’t think so.”

“No? Really?” The girls doesn’t seem to buy it. “Because it surely sounded like you are.”

That awkward feeling gets to Even again. He smiles at the girl. “Sorry.”

The girl looks up and down at Even, as if judging him from head to toe. “I guess it’s none of my business, but I do hope you don’t break his heart again this time.”

“I hope so too.” Even keeps on smiling.

“What are you doing?” Isak walks out, looking at them two, his expression concerned.

“Nothing.” That girl playfully shakes her head around. “Just having a chitchat with your guy.”

Isak turns to look at Even. “Did she say anything weird?”

“Weird how?” Even gets curious.

“I don’t know.” Isak blinks.

“She was just asking if we were back together.” Even explains.

“Oh. How did you respond?” Isak looks at him intensely.

“Um, could you stop speaking Norwegian in front of me?” The girls interrupts, she seems frustrated. “Like it’s kind of rude? I feel like you’re scheming something right in front of me.”

Even glances at her and Isak, not sure if he should respond to that.

Isak rolls his eyes and walks to the door. “Let’s go Even.”

The girl rolls her eyes too, speaking to Even, “I don’t know how you put up with him.”

 

They decide on McDonald’s for breakfast. Isak tells Even to get him something with more protein and less fat and goes to find a spot for them.

Even looks at the menu, wondering what to order. If they were at his place, he could cook him a healthy breakfast, European or even Asian flavor. Isak wouldn’t need to leave his bed, but it would mean a lot to him if Isak could do the dishes afterwards.

“Do you need help ordering?” The female waitress smiles at Even.

“Um, yeah thanks,” Even smiles back, “I’m ordering for two, not sure what’s good.”

The waitress suggests him to get two full breakfasts if he has trouble choosing from the menu. Even gladly takes her advice.

“I hope you don’t mind me asking, but are you here with your girlfriend?” The waitress asks.

Even shakes his head, “No it’s my,” he pauses, wondering which word he should use, “it’s complicated.”

“Oh okay,” the waitress points to a cardboard on the counter, “There’s a campaign called Valentine Everyday, if you make a video here, you can get a voucher for a free burger.”

Even remembers seeing ads about this campaign around the campus. The waitress observes his expression, “It can be directed to someone you’re in love with or someone you loved, doesn’t have to be boyfriend or girlfriend, just someone you care about.” She takes out a phone below the counter, “If you wanna do it now, we can upload it to our website immediately, there will be a contest for all the videos, the winner will get a free flight to Mexico.”

“How can you measure love and make it into a contest?” Even grins, shaking his head.

“You’re right,” the waitress’s still holding the phone, “I’ve helped a few customers make their videos, and I have to say I’m deeply moved by almost every one of them.” She looks back to see if the food is ready.

Even takes the plate from her, nodding and says, “Maybe some other time.”

 

They eat in silence. Even keeps glancing at Isak.

Isak bites into his burger, frowning. “What is it?”

“What are we?” Even puts down his food, sits back.

Isak stares at him, slowing chewing his food. He shrugs, “We know each other.”

Even feels his heart sink. “That’s it? We know each other? Not even friends?”

“Okay, we’re friends.” Isak takes another bite.

“Just friends.” Even holds back the anger in his voice.

“What else do you want it to be?”

“You practically live at my apartment, we fuck every night, I think that’s called a relationship.” Even says.

“We’re not boyfriends.” Isak puts down his burger. “Is this your way of asking rent money from me?”

“No,” Even goes back to his topic, “Boyfriends talk to each other, they share their feelings and thoughts. So I can agree with you on that, we’re not boyfriends.”

“Perfect.” Isak takes up the burger again.

“I can’t do this anymore, Isak.” Even doesn’t want to hide his frustration. “I need you to talk to me okay? What we’re doing now is so fucked up, if you think about it. We need to talk about it.”

It takes Isak a long time to speak again. “I used to like talking to you. Look what it got me into.”

Even feels a stab in the heart. He stares into Isak’s eyes, wondering what’s going on in that pretty head of his.

He sighs. "We're more like fuckbuddies."

Isak chews, sipping coffee. "It suits your destiny."

"What?" Even is puzzled.

"100% sexually attracted to me?" Isak looks at him, frowning. "You forgot that as well?"

Even really doesn't understand what Isak's saying.

Isak seems frustrated by his reaction. "Never mind. Thanks for the breakfast. Talk to you later.” 

He seems to realize how sarcastic it sounds, but he doesn’t add anything else, just stands up and walks out.

 


	10. Chapter 10

 

Even sits in the waiting room, letting his mind go free.

His doctor recommended mindfulness treatment to him, he didn’t find it helpful at first, but after a week or two, he gradually felt better with each session. The good thing about meditation is he could do it anywhere anytime, like right now, when he gets impatient waiting for his appointment, he just closes his eyes and sinks into his own world.

A lot of thoughts coming into his mind. Meds. Pain. Adverse effects. Sex. Isak. Sun. Weather. LA. Oslo. Family. Friends. Isak. Isak’s body. His hair. His curls. Kiwi. His tongue. His lips. His eyes. His gaze. His smile. His laugh. His tears.

Wait. Even opens his eyes. He’s never seen Isak cry. But somehow there is an image of Isak crying in his mind.

“Naesheim?” A nurse calls his name.

Even grabs his backpack and follows her.

 

Doctor Foster has been great. Even likes talking to her, she’s his psychiatrist and therapist in LA.

She asks the usual questions, focusing on sexual activities because Even emphasized on the topic. When she learns that Even has been having sex almost everyday after his last visit, she frowns a little bit.

Even shrugs and says, “I don’t think it’s too much for me. I sleep well and eat well, college is fine, most of the time I feel normal, not too high and definitely not low.”

When asked about his sexual partners, Even replies, “Just one.”

“I guess you really like this person a lot.” Doctor Foster smiles. “Sexual activities can be a good indicator of mood, especially in atypical cases. I read in your record that when you were down, you reported no sex at all, including masturbation, is that correct?”

Even sees where she’s going, he unwillingly nods. “Yes, but I think it’s different. Like back then I didn’t feel the desire for sex at all, but now when I see him, I feel that need, that thirst, you know?” He listens to his own talking, feeling stuck. “I know how it sounds like, but my point is, I don’t think it’s the need of sex that increased, it’s just about the person. I see hot guys and girls every day, but I never felt the need to have sex with them.” 

“Okay.” Doctor Foster gestures with her hands, smiling at him. “I see your point, and I can see you get riled up.”

“Sorry.” Even apologizes. “It’s just I’ve been debating with myself a lot. I guess I don’t want you to give me more meds, Doctor Foster. I know it’s stupid, but sometimes I feel like a loser taking meds everyday.”

“Don’t be.” Doctor Foster nods. “I know how hard it gets. You’re not the only one who feels that way, and you’ve been doing great taking meds everyday.” She glances at the computer screen, “I’m thinking, I will not change your medication this time, but maybe it would be better if you make another appointment earlier than usual, for example, two weeks instead of four weeks. Is that okay with you?”

“Of course.” Even nods.

“Perfect.” Doctor Foster adjusts her blouse. “So, enough about meds. What else do you want to talk about?”

Even relaxes into the chair. “I don’t know.”

Doctor Foster considers for a moment. “I’m curious about the person you mentioned. We can talk about him if you don’t mind.”

Even looks at her, slowly replies, “I don’t know where to start.”

“How about we start from the start? How did you two know each other?”

 

 

Even leans against the wall, dressed up in suit and tie, patiently waiting for Isak to pick him up.

Last time he spoke to Isak at that McDonald’s, it wasn’t really a friendly goodbye. So he was surprised to receive a call from Isak, asking him on a date. Actually Isak didn’t say it was a date, but he did ask Even to wear something formal because they are going to have dinner at this fancy restaurant. He said he would arrange a car to pick him up at 7PM. So it is most likely a date.

A limo pulls up along the curb. The chauffeur opens the door, stepping out Isak, also in his suit and tie.

Even observes Isak as he walks to him. He seems nervous.

Isak gestures to the limo, “Would you like to come with me?”

“Why are you talking like that?” Even frowns while smiling. This guy is so cute when he tries to act like someone else.

“I’m inviting you to a dinner.” Isak tries to act calm. “Would you like to come with me?”

Even stands there, not moving at all. “What is this?”

Isak stares at him for a while, clearing his throat, lowering his voice. “There is something I really need to talk to you about.”

“You can talk to me right now.” Even frowns. “What do you want to talk about anyway?”

Isak sighs and rolls his eyes. “Can’t you just get inside that limo?”

“How about you tell me what’s going on, then I’ll decide if I’m getting in that limo.” Nope. Even will not give in this time.

“Okay fine!” Isak rolls his eyes again. “I’m looking for an internship. I heard the Naesheims are hiring for the American branch, so I wondered if you could pull some strings for me.”

“That’s it?” Even holds up his arms. “You just want a favor from me?”

Isak licks his lips, eyes wandering. “Yeah? I guess you could say that.”

“What’s with the dress-up and the limo then?”

“That’s how people do it?” Isak looks up at Even, then quickly looks away. “You’re a film worker, you should know.”

Even doesn’t know if he should laugh or not. “You’re unbelievable, Isak.”

“Whatever.” Isak’s face is getting red. “Are you coming or not?”

Even quickly paints out a scene he’s been scheming for a long time. “I’m getting in that limo, but you’re canceling that dinner reservation.”

“Huh?”

“We got other plans.”

 

 

The chauffeur is a delight. When Even tells him they’re changing the destination, he just smiles and follows the order from his customers.

There isn’t much going on in the back of the limo. Even and Isak sit opposite each other. Even already took off his tie, he’s thinking about pulling Isak’s tie and making him fall on his knees in front of him. That’s a dirty little fantasy of his. Everything about Isak can get so sexual.

“Where are we going again?” Isak asks for the millionth time.

“To a beach.” Even smiles, still eyeing that tie. “You should tip the chauffeur well.”

Isak uncomfortably adjusts his tie. He hesitates. “Are you killing me?”

Even scoffs. “You watched too many bad films.”

“Like it’s really late right now?” Isak checks his phone. “Who swims at night?”

“Killers.” Even stares at Isak’s throat. It must feel uncomfortable with a tie around his neck.

 

They stop at several beaches, every time Even glances around and asks the chauffeur to try another one. With the seventh one, Isak squints at him, unwillingly gets inside the limo. “What’s wrong with this one?”

“Same problem with the last one.” Even sits back. “There’s other people on the beach.”

Isak scoffs. “Should I dial 911 right now?”

“I would never hurt you, Isak.” Even says calmly. He notices Isak looks away. “Are you not talking to me again?”

“Fine.” Isak shrugs. “I mean, you keep saying things like that, but in fact you’ve already hurt me once.”

Even looks down. “Sorry. Fair point. I would never hurt you again, Isak.”

He feels Isak looking at him. So he looks back, watching those clear green eyes.

The limo stops again.

 

With the eighth try, they finally find an empty beach. Even tells the chauffeur to park somewhere, he doesn’t know how long it’s gonna take. Isak silently listens to them talk.

Even takes in the salty smell of the wind. He strolls on the beach, Isak slowly following him.

Even stops walking in the middle, sitting down and taking off his shoes.

Isak looks into the darkness above the sea. “Aren’t we swimming?”

“There’s much to do on a beach other than swimming.” Even lies down.

“Just so you know, I’m fucking hungry, if you’re gonna kill me, you should at least feed me first.”

“You know porn actors starve themselves before each shoot.” Even speaks with a stern face.

Isak scoffs. “Are we shooting a porn?”

Even stares at Isak, half smiling. “Darn it. I forgot too hire a camera man. Maybe I should ask the chauffeur?”

Isak tries to hide his smile. He mumbles something like “silly” and lies down as well.

“Isak?”

“Hmm?”

“This is our beach.”

 

Isak grabs a hold of sands, letting them fall down through his fingers.

Even quietly listens to that sound, and the sound of waves and wind.

When he was a teenager, he’d always wanted to take Sonja to a swimming pool, so that they could reenact that scene in Romeo+Juliet. Sonja, being way too mature than her age, dissed the idea and asked Even to “maybe watch less films”. But this idea stuck around. When Even saw Isak for the first time in that hotel lobby, funnily, the first thought coming to his mind was, “his curls would look so cute in water”.

He never had the chance to actually take Isak to a swimming pool. But now they’re here, he suddenly realizes it’s much better than a pool fantasy.

“You know, the waves and the beach is basically like two leading roles in a romance.”

“Huh?” Isak turns to look at Even.

“The waves keeps coming to the beach, but the beach just stays where she is.”

“The beach is a she?”

“Maybe.”

“Okay. So it’s a tragedy.”

“I guess. Like however hard the waves tries, the beach just doesn’t move for him.”

They stay silent for a while.

“But the beach does move.” Isak whispers.

Even turns to look at Isak.

“Maybe you can’t see it, but we all know water can break down really tough things.” Isak again grabs some sands. “You know, there is a beach because there are waves. Wait, that doesn’t sound right...I think the heroes should be the sea and the land. The beach is just a small portion of the land, it’s just a lot of sands, closest to the sea.”

Even listens to the sound of sands falling down through Isak’s fingers. He remembers how people usually compares falling sands to lost time. How much time has he lost?

“Hey.” Isak throws some sands at him.

Even takes a moment to respond. He slowly gets back to reality. He gets up, running to the sea. Isak yells behind him, totally confused. When he finally follows Even into the water, Even starts kicking water at Isak. It soon escalates into a water fight.

Isak suddenly stops. “Fuck!” He curses, looking down at himself. “This is my best suit.”

“You wore your best suit?” Even walks to Isak. “For me?”

“You wish.” Isak’s expression is hard to tell. “I’m wearing for my internship.”

“Yeah right.” Even smiles, taking off more wet clothes. Isak does the same.

“You know, if you planned this trip to the beach, you should’ve packed some trunks.” Isak only has a boxer on, he kicks some water at Even.

“What? Afraid to ruin your best boxer?” Even teases.

“You’re so...” Isak stops while Even strips naked. He hesitates a while, taking off his boxer as well.

They stand opposite each other, looking each other in the eyes.

“I like your eyes.” Even says.

“Thanks.” 

“I also like your lips. Your chest, abs, ass. And your toes. And of course your dick.”

“Where are you going with this?” Isak interrupts, he seems a little nervous.

“I haven’t finished, it’s a long list. But I think you get my point, I like everything on you. Sometimes I wonder if I can keep you forever.”

“Okay, that’s getting creepy.” Isak squints his eyes.

“I even like your frown. When you’re being mean to me, I don’t like your cold tone, but when I’m alone and recalling it, I miss it. Isn’t that weird? Or pathetic?” Even smiles bitterly.

Isak stares at him, then looks down.

“I think you know where I’m going with this.” Even takes a deep breath. “The real question is, Isak, do you know where you’re going?”

Isak’s expression screams uncomfortable. He tries to smile, then stops in the middle, as if smiling takes up too much energy. Even watches his every move.

When Isak finally speaks, he says he’s missing home a lot, seeing Even again makes things worse. He sighs a few times. “I don’t really know where I’m going, to be honest.” He looks at Even, his eyes so innocent, his expression so sad. “Sometimes all I think about is you. I don’t like myself when I’m like that.” He lowers his head.

Even steps forward and holds Isak into his arms. He feels the touch of warm skin. Isak’s trembling a little, his arms slowly moves up to Even’s back, hugging him back.

“I wish I could hold you like this forever.” Even closes his eyes.

Isak buries himself deeper into Even’s hug. “I’m cold.”

“You wanna go back?”

“No.” Isak whispers. “This is good.”

Even smiles, gently kissing Isak’s forehead.

 

When they finally break apart, it may be twenty minutes later, Isak says he wants to swim a little, now that they’re at a beach. Even challenges him to a swimming contest, but since it’s dark and really cold, they decide to take the match on another occasion.

While putting on clothes, Even tells Isak that he’s always wanted to try beach sex. He raises an eyebrow, “Come to think about it, right now is a perfect opportunity.” 

Isak replies with a clear no. He points out sands can be tricky, also they don’t have lubes.

“What about blowjobs?” Even stops putting on his pants. “We can totally 69 here.”

Isak is still considering his suggestion when Even pushes him down. He tries to resist, but as soon as Even starts to suck his dick, his resistance vanishes.

 

 

Even finally learns Isak’s girl roommate’s name, Christine. She seems happy and sad at the same time when she learns that she needs to find another roommate because Isak’s moving in with Even, and she threatens to kill Even if he fucks up again.

“Do you think she’s serious?” Even laughs while buckling up his seat belt. “About killing me?”

“Yes.” Isak drinks his cola. “DEAD serious.”

“Okay.” Even laughs at Isak’s pun. “How did you meet her? You seem pretty close.”

Isak waves his hand in the air. “Let’s just say she has been my American Jonas.”

Even nods. “Have you talked to Jonas recently?”

“No,” Isak looks at Even, “Why do you ask?”

Even explains that Jonas was very angry with him after Isak left for college, when he asked about Isak, Jonas refused to talk to him. “He accused me of being the poison to your life.” Even laughs.

“I’m sorry.” Isak says. “You’re not poison.”

“But I was bad influence to you.” Even stops the car at a red light. “My therapist say that important relationships affect my mood in a great way, sometimes I can’t tell things apart. I guess I’m a burden to you again.” He feels a little guilty.

Isak stares at him for a while. “I didn’t know what I was getting into when I first met you, that’s partly your fault. But this time it’s my choice, so please don’t take the credit.”

Even smiles. His phone pings, while he’s reaching in his jeans’ pocket, the red light turns green. Cars behind them start to horn impatiently.

Isak grabs the phone from Even’s hand, pulling his finger to unlock the screen, then checks the message for him.

Even likes bossy Isak. He jokes, “You already start to check my phone? This relationship is dying.”

“Fuck you.” Isak pushes him. “You need to pay me as an assistant.”

“Oh is that right?” Even laughs. “How about you pay rent first?”

“What? I’ll pay you my ass.”

“Oh. Literally?”

“Fuck you.” Isak pushes him again, he’s grinning so hard.

“I mean, it’s fine with me, but how do you calculate the rent with sex? I mean, for example, how much is a blowjob? Hand job?”

“Stop it, you’re reminding me of how we met, evenbn97.”

“Aww you remembered.”

“How can I forget.” Isak stares at him.

Even looks at Isak lovingly for a long time until he fears he’s gonna crash the car. “What’s the message?”

Isak raises the phone again, “It’s from Jason, ‘I heard you’re back together with your ex’. This is funny, I should tell you like this, your ex sent you a message asking if you got back together with your ex-ex.”

Even feels weird. “Word travels fast.”

“Maybe he’s stalking you.” Isak pretends to look around. “Maybe he wants to kill me.”

“Okay we should seriously stop.”

“It’s so frustrating, it’s not like you’re so hot or rich or good at sex, you know? I don’t know why people get attracted to you.”

Even laughs. “What a mystery. Thank you for taking my ugly ass.” He tries to caress Isak’s face.

Isak pouts and squirms on his seat, pointing to the road ahead. “Drive safely, boyfriend.”

Even grins so hard. He replies, “Okay, boyfriend.”

 


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it's basically smut in this chapter, I wonder what happened, I was trying to write some plots. It must be that photo shoot, hmm.

Couples fight. Even and Isak fight. The first week of their cohabitation ends in a fight, Isak storms off, leaving Even in a pissy mood. The tricky part is, he has to figure out if his irritation was a symptom of his condition.

He sits down on the floor, drinking water and recalling the past week.

 

Things were good at first, they went to different lectures and joined each other for lunch, two times they went out on a date in the evening, other nights they stayed at home and snuggled while watching tv or movies, whatever happened in the day, they always finished with hot or loving sex. Today was no exception. They were watching Inception together, when he got interrupted with a phone call from Jason. He didn’t really want to take it, but Isak encouraged him to, even promised to pause the movie for this call.

“You know, my eyes hurt from the screen, so you might as well just take it while I get a glass of water.” Isak spoke with a calm voice.

So Even took the call, talked with Jason for a few minutes. There wasn’t much going on in their conversation, just Jason asking how he’s doing and he asked Jason the same. Jason has a soothing voice, which Even mentioned to Isak once. He didn’t ask about Isak at all, Even remembered that message he sent him, so he briefly talked about Isak moving in with him. Jason replied with “As long as you’re happy.”

After the call Even went back to the living room, throwing his cell phone on the sofa, collapsing down next to Isak, hugging him and said, “Shall we continue?”

Isak pressed the button. “That’s a long call. What did you talk about?”

Even focused on the tv screen. “Nothing. Just how things are going.”

“Just that?” Isak turned to look at Even.

“Yeah.” Even absentmindedly kissed Isak’s temple. He loves DiCaprio’s acting.

“Are you lying to me?” Isak squinted his eyes.

It took Even a second to realize what Isak had asked. He was take aback.

Things went down from there. They started the argument rather calmly, but as words started getting hurtful, the atmosphere got intense.

Even felt very frustrated, “Am I this kind of person to you?”

Isak bit his lips. “You know what they say, once a liar, always a liar.”

Even felt anger devouring himself. “Fuck you Isak.”

Isak spit back, “Fuck you Naesheim!”

 

Even sighs into his hands. He failed to control his temper, and now he regrets his behavior. Isak is sensitive, he of all people should know. Plus Isak’s sacrificing a lot to be with him, a cute guy like Isak could get any guy on the planet, but he chose him, this ill-tempered psycho. He owes Isak too much to yell at him like that.

But he does feel wronged by Isak’s statement. He’s not a player, not a liar, he didn’t lie today, and he doesn’t plan to lie in the future. If Isak sees him as this full of shit liar, he really doesn’t know the meaning of life anymore. Isak is that important to him, but Isak doesn’t seem to know.

There is a knock on the door. Even rubs his eyes, standing up to get the door.

Isak stands awkwardly outside the door. He still looks angry, but his voice is down. He glances at Even. “I forgot my cell phone, and my keys.”

Even stays where he is, leaning on the door frame. His heart melts, merely looking at grumpy Isak. Pathetic.

Isak glances at him again. “So...Are you gonna let me in or not?” He looks away so quickly, it’s so cute.

Even takes a breath, secretly pulling himself together. “I’m sorry Isak. I shouldn’t have said those words.”

Isak sways his body a little, looking down at the floor. “Whatever. I need my phone and keys.”

Even pulls him into his arms and closes the door with his foot. Of course Isak’s struggling against him, or to put it more accurately, Isak’s pretending to struggle against him. Also cute.

Even never loosen his hold. When Isak finally settles down in his arms, he apologizes again. This time Isak apologizes to him as well, they hug each other tightly.

Even leads the way to the living room, Inception is still playing on the tv. Isak sits in Even’s lap and says, “I think we should be completely honest with each other.”

“Of course baby.” Even kisses Isak’s neck. He’s hooked on DiCaprio’s acting again. “We’ll talk about what happened today later.”

Isak turns back to look at Even, observes a while and says, “To honor that, there is something I don’t get about you.”

Even turns his attention to his boyfriend, he pretends to be annoyed. “What now?”

“You’re more focused on the hot middle aged guy than me.” Isak points to the screen. “Tom Brady, DiCaprio, all of them.”

“Oh baby.” Even laughs, “They can’t compete with you, in a million years.”

Isak raises his voice. “Don’t lie to me! I know you’ll easily give me up to have a threesome with Tom and Leo.”

“Well, if you put it that way...” Even considers for a second, earning an elbow from Isak. “Okay to be honest, you’re right, I’ll definitely have a threesome with them two. You would too!” He runs his index finger under Isak’s chin. “But if losing you is the consequence, I’ll never take that chance.”

Isak smiles and let Even kiss him. When the kiss starts to get deep, he pulls out and says, “I’m still a little mad at you.”

“Oh really?” Even massages Isak’s crotch while whispering. “Tell me what I can do to make it up to you.”

Isak licks his lower lips. “You know I always wondered about hate fuck.”

Even is surprised. “You sure? I can be really rough, you know.”

“Yeah?” Isak turns to straddle Even, purring into his ears. “I thought you were just this boring vanilla guy.”

“Getting me ready for that, aren’t you.” Even smiles, his right hand holding Isak’s jaw.

“Can you give me what I want?” Isak bites on his lower lips. “Are you able to do that?”

Even nods, he puts on a stern face while picking Isak up on the way to the bedroom. “You should come up with a safe word.”

Isak is still snickering when he’s thrown onto the bed. “I doubt that.”

Even shrugs, “I suggest ‘mercy’.”

 

Sex can be good for body health and mind. Between Even and Isak, Isak seems to be the hornier one. Sometimes Even isn’t really feeling it, but Isak always has his ways to get him in the mood for sex.

Even has limited gay sex experience, Isak’s his first, Jason’s second, then it’s Isak again. But he’s had enough experience with Isak, since they were pretty much fucking everyday in the past few months. He knows Isak’s spots, which angle gets him to moan, which speed leaves him beg for more, which position makes him cum without hands.

Merely talking about safe word, Isak has that aroused look, his eyes fixated on Even’s face, his arms loosely hang around Even’s neck, his lips apart ready to be deeply kissed, and his breath shallow and irregular.

Even smiles and starts taking off his pants, he pretends to lean in to kiss Isak, but stops at the very moment, nails Isak down on the bed by his shoulders while moving himself near the headboard, suddenly using a hand to drag Isak’s head towards him.

Isak seems surprised to have his face crash into Even’s crotch. He looks up at Even with a smile, fingers slowly pulling down Even’s boxer, tongue licking his abs.

Even says, “I’m gonna fuck your throat so hard, you’ll not be able to make a sound tomorrow.”

Isak’s about to suck his dick, then stops. He looks up and frowns, “Just to check with you, that’s not the only thing you’re gonna do to me, right?”

Even uses a hand to support Isak’s head. He sits down and smacks Isak’s ass, “Well, I suppose you didn’t prepare yourself, so a blowjob is fine.”

Isak laughs and lies down, taking off his sweatpants. “All that safe word talk! Sorry to disappoint you, but I may have prepared for some buttfucking tonight.”

“What?” Even shakes his head in disbelief, watching Isak strip himself. “You didn’t have time for that. We were together until you stormed off on me.”

“Please.” Isak rolls his eyes, “You wanna fuck me or not?”

“Well I mean, if you insist.” Even takes off his t-shirt, eyeing Isak’s ass in those jockstrap. “Now I see that you did come prepared.”

“Just to make sure we’re on the same page, I didn’t storm off on you, you totally pushed me out.” Isak puts on a stern face.

“What game are you playing now?” Even smiles and smacks Isak’s ass again. He let those red fingermarks engage his attention for a second, “I would never push you out.”

“No, no.” Isak shakes his head and then his ass. “You remembered it all wrong. You pretty much abused me out of our apartment.”

Even laughs. “Oh yeah is that so?”

“Yeah! Your memory sucks after all.” Isak challenges with a smirk.

“Okay.” Even grabs on Isak’s thigh, pushing them apart to kneel between Isak’s legs. “I’m gonna need you to be very careful what you’re gonna say next, baby.”

“Apparently we have disagreement on things now. I wonder how you can make me see things straight.” Isak lies on his belly, right hand reaching back to grab Even’s dick, playfully tapping it.

“I can think of a few positions.” Even nods and grabs Isak’s wrists, pulling them together and setting them on Isak’s back, just above his ass. “If you move your hands, I’m gonna punish you with a slap, and I’m not gonna be kind about it. You hear me?”

“Yeah, whatever.” Isak’s fingers wiggle, his body all relaxed.

Even slaps hard on Isak’s right ass cheek. Just when Isak’s twitching because of the sudden pain, Even uses left hand to push Isak down, right hand holding on Isak’s neck, making his head bend back. He hears Isak’s gasp, leans down and whispers to Isak’s ears, “What should you say now?”

Isak hesitates a while to respond, “Yes sir.”

“Good boy.” Even loosens his grab on Isak’s neck. He sits back while eyeing Isak up and down. Isak’s trembling a little. Is he cold or afraid? No, he’s excited. Even smiles while thinking, moves back and lowers his head.

“Oh fuck.” Isak moans, then he tries to keep silent, shivering every time Even licks over his hole.

Even takes a break, “You can make sounds, boy.” He continues to rim Isak, fingers sinking into Isak’s ass cheeks, shaking them and smacking them, sucking and biting on those juicy cheeks from time to time.

When he tentatively puts his thumb into Isak’s hole, he feels the warmth and softness as he goes deeper. It’s opening and closing around his thumb, he wonders if Isak’s doing it on purpose. He changes to his index finger and middle finger, they go in without too much resistance.

His baby is indeed prepared for this. Even smiles and gets up, swiping the spit off his face. He lubes himself and Isak, then pretty much rushes in.

Isak moans loudly because of the intrusion, his fingers holding into fists, then gradually loosens as Even keeps ramming inside him.

Even has fucked Isak hard before, but this time it feels different. He gets lost in the rhythm and Isak’s broken voices, sometimes his voice gets so high, it’s like he’s about to cry, then suddenly he gets silent, biting on the sheets and drooling all over them. He remains in that passive position, but Even can tell Isak is not able to hold his hands together anymore, he’s dying to grab onto something.

He pounds really hard into Isak, watching those cheeks jiggle, enjoying Isak’s muffled “oh fuuuuck”, smiles and slowly pulls out, turning Isak over before he’s even realized it. He leans down as he holds Isak’s legs up, making his back leave the bed.

Isak looks wrecked, it takes him a moment to focus on Even’s face. Even sticks a thumb into Isak’s mouth, “Suck on it.” 

Isak does what he’s told, his eyes widen as Even pushes into him again.

Even likes this position so much. He can observe Isak’s every subtle change of expression, and he can silence Isak with either his hand or mouth. He especially likes it when he’s kissing Isak, Isak gets so lost he pretty much let Even’s tongue deep throat him, and his whimpering comes from his throat, that is the best music to Even’s ears.

When their lips are not glued, Isak’s eyes wander around Even’s face and body, it’s difficult for him to move his limbs because his whole body is restricted under Even. Sometimes Isak would muffle his own moaning by putting a hand over mouth, perhaps he’s embarrassed by it. So Even leans down and shames him, “Our neighbors will hear you.” That’s exactly what Isak needs. His face twists and flushes even more, he stares at Even in that begging face, as if saying, and he’s really speaking it out now, “Please, sir.”

“Oh. What do you want, boy?” Even never stops thrusting inside his favorite boy.

“Just like that,” Isak closes his eyes as Even keeps hitting in a specific angle, “just like that.”

“Just like that?” Even smiles, pounding harder. He can feel Isak’s leg muscles getting tense and closing around him.

Isak puts his trembling hands on Even’s pecs, touching them softly, moving downwards to his abs then comes back. He manages to push out a full sentence, “You’re so hot, fucking me like this.”

“Yeah?” Even shakes some sweat off his forehead, then suddenly feels his dick getting squeezed.

“Your hole just got tighter.”

“I feel your dick just got bigger.”

They burst out words at the same time. Even smiles and kisses Isak deep, picking up his pace. When he leaves those tasty lips, Isak asks, “Can I jerk off, sir? I’m really close, sir.”

Even nods, and Isak immediately starts jerking off. He bends his neck to look at Even fucking him, then moans, “You’re making me come everywhere.”

Isak does cum everywhere. He whimpers as his cum shoots on his abs and shoulders. Even stops fucking him for a while, trying to let his boy rest, but Isak grabs his hand and looks into his eyes, “Don’t stop, breed me sir.”

How can Even say no to this request? He roars into Isak’s ears as he cums inside Isak’s warm hole. He totally ruined this boy.

 

When they walk to the showers, Isak stretches his body and says, “I felt like a shrimp getting bent like that.”

“Sorry.” Even laughs and tests the water temperature for them. He raises an eyebrow, “Was it okay for you?”

Isak laughs at his question, then stops to play along. “Um, I don’t know what that was, but it’s definitely not the kind of hate fuck I wanted. And I can still walk, so.”

Even shrugs, pretending to be confused. “Yeah I don’t know what that is either.”

“That’s some not-so-serious dom/sub shit, and you’re not even good at it.” Isak deadpans, stepping into the shower.

“Ouch.” Even reaches for the shampoo on the top shelf, “I promise I’ll never do that to you again, and I’ll try to make you not able to stand on your legs next time.”

Isak giggles, “And that stuff, when you said my hole got tighter? What was that?”

“I don’t know.” Even replies, then eyes Isak with a playful look. “I’m not sure what happened, but my dick just got so big at that moment, your ass could barely take it.”

“Oh okay, you’re playing this again?” Isak rubs some shampoo on his head, “Just to set the record straight, it was my ass that got so tight, your dick could barely stick inside.”

“Really?” Even suddenly pushes his index finger into Isak’s hole, “Wow, I can stick my finger inside right now!”

They spend a few seconds pushing and throwing water at each other. Then Even holds Isak in his arms and kisses him. Isak becomes obedient, letting Even rub shampoo on his almost bold head. He suddenly pats on Even’s arm and steps away from him, “Your fingers were just in my hole!”

Even pulls him close, kisses him again. “My tongue was just in your hole, so.”

Then it’s another round of water fight.

 

After the shower they are so exhausted, they turn off the tv and go straight to bed.

Even massages Isak’s scalp, enjoying the ticklish feeling on his fingertips. He listens to Isak’s breathing, noticing that Isak’s not asleep either. So he starts a conversation, catching up on where they left before the sex.

He tells Isak that he had complicated feelings towards Jason. Jason was very keen on the topic of Isak, always asking him about this unforgettable ex, sometimes it’s his questions that reminded Even of Isak. Jason seemed to know who he was, and was not shy about it, he always let Even pay the bills. Even didn’t really mind it, because as he saw it, he would pay for every guy or girl that would take him.

Isak grabs onto him tighter when Even talks about his low self-esteem.

Even lost loving feelings of Jason when he was still in Oslo. He wondered if it’s a side effect of his medication, or the end of an episode, or just a plain fact, that he didn’t love this guy anymore. Once he wondered if he actually loved Jason at all. He didn’t dare discuss it with Jason, because it’s Jason that supported him through his mania episodes, and Jason seemed to value this relationship. He already broke Isak’s heart, he didn’t want to make the mistake again.

Isak taps on Even’s chest, telling him that he wasn’t broken, he just needed time.

But Even knows how difficult a heartbreak could get. He knew from his breakup with Isak. He couldn’t do it to another guy that loved him. He was about to forget all about Isak, he didn’t remember that much details about Isak anyway, but then his parents had a talk with him, asking if he wanted to take a gap year after recovery, maybe travelling around the world with Jason. Even considered that option, but he just couldn’t imagine seeing all the scenery with Jason by his side. He decided to join a winter school, and America came to his mind.

Isak yawns, “Such a long and boring story about Jason.”

Or maybe it’s Isak that came to his mind, but Isak doesn’t have to know. Even smiles and says, “Let’s just forget about him and sleep now.”

After a while, Isak sniffs and says, “Just so you know, I didn’t take my gap year as well, so I’m available to travel.”

Even feels his heart swelling with happiness. “Send me a resume, I’ll consider it.”

Isak rolls his eyes and looks up at Even, slightly opening his mouth. “How much sex do I have to put up with for you to choose me?”

Even just licks into his mouth, making him moan again, and adds a sentence or two in between.

“Indefinite.”

“But you’re always my only choice.”


	12. Chapter 12

It’s true, that when you’re happy, you barely notices how time flies by.

Even feels drunk. Maybe he is indeed a little drunk, on his 26th birthday. There’s people talking to him, congratulations on his birthday and his recent works, questions about his personal life and families, advice for his future. People just talk too much. Who are these people anyway?

Even closes his eyes and lays back on the sofa, shutting down all the noises around. He misses his boyfriend. Why isn’t he home yet?

There’s someone talking to him again. Can’t he get a hint? Even opens his eyes to see who it is. Surprise. No, it’s shock. He definitely didn’t invite him here, and it’s even more unlikely Isak invited him. Why’s Jason here? They haven’t seen each other for how long, four or five years? When did he come back to Oslo again? Shit his memory sucks. Or was it alcohol?

Jason talks and talks. Even just blinks and listens to him, barely registers what’s happening. Jason gives him something, a box, not wrapped like a present, just a box. He holds it in his hand, not very eager to open it. But Jason insists, of course he insists. Even shrugs and opens it finally, he looks inside, feeling his headache getting much worse.

“What are these?” Even frowns while looking through the stuff inside the box.

“I’d like to call it, the truth.” Jason sounds like a prick.

Even rolls his eyes, he learns this habit from Isak. “Thanks for your present.” He stands up and gestures to the door. “Now I’d like you to leave.”

“You haven’t yet checked them.” Jason still sits on the sofa. “I’m sure you’ll have a different opinion when you’ve finished reading.”

“No thanks.” Even gestures to the door again. “Please leave my house.”

“You don’t know how much effort I put into these stuff.” Jason grabs a picture from the box and shoves it in front of Even’s face, almost fanatically. “How can you stand something like this?!”

 

 

Even wakes up. Severe headache, and he can’t move his arms or legs.

“Welcome back.” A playfully sarcastic voice.

Even stops struggling, turning to the voice. He tries to blow a kiss towards him, then fails miserably, which of course, earns some giggles from him, his precious Isak.

“I suggest you stay calm, or we’ll give you more sedatives.” Isak leans in, checking his pulse. He looks around, when he’s sure no one’s around, he quickly plants a gentle kiss on Even’s lips.

“Kiss me harder.” Even sticks his tongue out. “Or better, tongue me.”

Isak rolls his eyes, holding Even’s right hand with both his hands. “Do you remember what happened last night?”

“Yes.” Even nods. “You didn’t come home for my birthday.”

Another eye roll. “I would if you didn’t beat up one of our guests.”

“He’s not our guest.” Even doesn’t really feel angry. Damn the sedatives.

“Whatever the reason, you beat him up, and your dear brother sent you here.” Isak looks up at the clock. “Lucky for you, your one and only doctor boyfriend was on call last night.”

“Lucky for me?” Even tries to raise his limbs again. “What kind of doctors tie their patients to the bed, huh? You’re so mean to me, I’ll file a complaint.”

Isak giggles, then looks around again to make sure no one’s looking or listening. “I had to put you down, or I’ll be known as the resident that got raped by a violent patient.”

“Isn’t that one of your fantasies?” Even recalls, earning a slap on the arm. “Ouch. You’re the violent one in our relationship.”

“You deserve it.” Isak glares at Even and stands up, “I’ll go find my attending, we’ll probably come back to see you in ten minutes.”

Even watches Isak keenly as he walks away. He misses him already. They’ve been together for a long time, but they’re still very much in love.

 

A group of doctors walk by his bed, including Isak. The leading one is possibly the attending Isak mentioned. She asks him a few simple questions, seems satisfied with his replies, then turns to Isak, listening to him briefing about his take. Then she raises several questions for the residents to discuss, like what’s the possible reasons for the patient’s behavior last night, some say an episode of mania, some say influence of alcohol, some say adverse effects of medication. Isak doesn’t say much, just listens to them talk, glancing over Even from time to time.

Even relaxes into his bed, feeling like a smug. His parents pretty much own this clinic, maybe some senior chiefs know him as “the psycho son”, thanks to “the better son” Aksel. Isak didn’t want to do his resident training here at first, but it’s really a good clinic, and after a million promises from Even of not telling anyone about their relationship and not interfering with his work, he finally applied for it. Though Isak started later than most of his classmates, he was a good medical student, and was soon accepted into the clinic’s training program. There’s a joke between them since then, that Isak should behave himself around Even, because the Naesheims owns him.

Even smiles while looking at Isak’s back. The doctors are now focusing on the patient next to him, no one’s looking at him anymore, but Isak’s still very close to his bed. Even has an idea, he tries to move his hand.

“Ah!”

Everyone turns to look at Isak, who is blushing hard. He clears his throat and apologizes, claiming that he suddenly remembers something he forgot to do. No one seems suspicious of his words, they continue their discussion. Even waits for long time until they move on to other patients, when Isak finally looks back and glares at him.

Even puts on an innocent look, shaking his restricted limbs. “When can I be free of this bed, doctor?”

“Until I say so.” Isak smiles and runs to catch up with the other doctors.

 

Even falls asleep for a while, when he wakes up again, there’s no doctors or nurses around him. He calls for a nurse, and asks for Dr.Valtersen.

“What do you need, sir?” The nurse checks his temperature and pulse.

“I just want to know when I can go home.” 

The nurse returns with a concerning expression. “Dr.V says he is kind of busy right now, and he says due to your inappropriate behavior, we still have to restrict you to bed for another hour or so.”

Even must be looking really sad, that the nurse tries to comfort him. “Yeah I know it sucks, just between you and me, sometimes I don’t like the instructions I received from the doctors, but there’s a protocol, so I guess we all have to abide it, right?” 

Even thanks her for being so kind. “Just please let Dr.V know that I really want to talk to him, if he has time.”

“Sure.” The nurse smiles and walks away.

 

When he wakes up again, he doesn’t know what time it is. But his headache almost disappears, and he’s a free man again.

He takes a stroll around the ward, trying to find his boyfriend. Isak was on call last night, so he should have an afternoon off today. If they hurry up, they could go out and have dinner at that restaurant Isak likes.

A senior nurse is staring at him suspiciously. Even decides to act not so much like a weird guy, he sits down on a chair near the doctor’s office. Someone walks out, it’s not Isak, but he does forget to close the door. Even listens very carefully, and he recognizes the voice of Isak and Aksel.

“Like I said, on the professional aspect, he’s not having a maniac episode, and he could be discharged now.” Isak sounds angry. “And I talked to the attending, she suggests the same.”

“You don’t really know him like I do. I demand he stay here for a week.”

“You can’t...Mr.Naesheim, I don’t think it’s your own decision to make, maybe you could discuss with your parents, whom I believe is still his legal guardians.”

“They’re on a holiday, and I’m in charge here. He’ll stay in the clinic, or I’ll send him into a psycho’s house, it’s your choice.”

There’s a silence for a few seconds. Isak asks someone to leave the office, probably his colleagues, then a few doctors walk out. They close the door, and Even can’t really hear their talk anymore. He doesn’t feel that angry at Aksel, because that’s the kind of brother he is, but he does feel worried for Isak.

As soon as he stands up and walks into the office, that senior nurse calls him and follows him, asking what he needs. At the same time Isak turns to look at the door, their eyes meet each other.

“It’s okay, we should’ve included him in the discussion anyway.” Isak nods to the nurse.

“Do you want me to close the door or leave it open?” The nurse glances over Even.

“I’m pretty sure he’s harmless, please close it, thank you.” Isak points at a chair for Even to sit in, and pretends to not having heard Aksel’s snickering.

 

“Okay. Here we are again.” Aksel is the first one to speak. “When did we last talk like this? Last Christmas? Oh those precious times, I don’t miss them at all.”

Even blinks at Isak, signaling him not to respond. He turns to Aksel, “What do you want, Aksel?”

Aksel scoffs. “Why are you acting like I was the problem here? It’s not me that punched a guy last night.”

“You mean the guy that you invited to my birthday party, to insult my boyfriend and me?” Even is very calm.

“He insulted you?” Aksel seems very interested. “Tell me what he said. I really don’t understand how anyone could insult your boy toy, who is apparently perfect for you.”

“I told you to never call Isak like that.” Even glances at Isak, who is smiling back at him and mouthing “I’m fine”. “Don’t act innocent, you know what you did.”

“Alright, no more pretending.” Aksel puts up his hands, “Yes, I asked that guy to crash your party, but it was pure good intention. Did you know what this Valtersen guy did behind your back? I was so shocked when that guy took the evidence to me, you should thank me for not telling dad and mom about him.”

“You were so shocked, you specifically chose my birthday to surprise me.” Even narrows his eyes.

“Why are you so calm, did you forget all of it over a night?” Aksel yells, pointing at Isak. “He was a fucking prostitute, my brother! He sold his fucking ass! How can you accept such scum into our house?”

Isak’s face turns pale. He looks down at his feet, hands holding together tightly. Even takes a deep breath, walks behind Isak, putting his hands on Isak’s shoulders, gently rubbing them.

“It all falls back to that question, Aksel, really, what do you want?” Even licks his lips. “I have you as my only brother, and despite you hate it, I’m also your only brother, that’s a fact. Why do you keep hurting me like this?”

Aksel is breathing hard. He spit out, “No matter what I do, dad and mom always loved you more. I was the good Naesheim son! They just love you because you’re fucking crazy, what’s there to love for being crazy? You’re fucking mental!”

“You know what? I’ll trade you everything, for not being mental, for not being crazy.” Even looks down as his eyes hurt from staring. He sees Isak’s curls. “I’ll trade you almost anything.”

Aksel doesn’t speak for a long time. He stands up and strides out, leaving Even and Isak behind.

Even leans down and holds Isak from behind, gently kissing his head. “Let’s just go home.”

Isak nods slowly. “Maybe you could call your parents, get the consent, then we’ll head back.”

 

Getting out of clinic took longer than expected. When they got home, it’s already 6pm, and when Even called the restaurant they intended to go to, the reception politely told them they were fully booked.

Isak shrugged, “I didn’t really want to go out anyway. Pizza it is.”

After pizza dinner, Even downs all his meds with a glass of water, then heads to the bathroom. He watches Isak shower as he brushes teeth. When Isak catches Even’s glimpse, he smiles and asks, “You want to join the hot-tub with me?”

So they end up in the hot-tub together. Even can’t keep his hands off Isak, and Isak enjoys it as well, they make out for a long time. Finally Isak demands they should get some fresh air or they’ll suffocate in the bathroom, they get out wrapped in large towels, Isak following Even into the bedroom.

“All that make out wore me out.” Isak yawns and yawns. “No more sex.”

“But it’s my birthday.” Even touchs all over Isak’s body, despite him struggling against it. “I mean, it was my birthday yesterday.”

“And you got my present in the early morning, remember?” Isak uses some strength to push Even further away from him, when he finally succeeds, he slowly moves back in Even’s arms.

“Fine.” Even settles down spooning with Isak. “I touched your ass today, that counts.”

“You were unbelievable.” Isak must have rolled his eyes. “What if other people caught us?”

“Then you’ll be known as the guy sleeping your way to the top.” Even hums. “Sexy.”

Isak doesn’t respond for a long time, just breathing evenly.

Even can see Isak’s fingers playing with the sheets. That’s a habit of Isak, when he’s nervous or not so happy, he can twist the sheets or paper into a flower with his fingers.

Jason and Aksel did get to him.

 

Isak made his confession to Even when they were still in America. Even’s exchange program was coming to the end, Isak mentioned once or twice that he could drop out of university, reapply for medical school in Oslo. Even was of course thrilled to hear that, but he soon found out Isak wasn’t really preparing for it. He didn’t want to argue with Isak, after all he shouldn’t interfere with Isak’s own decisions.

A raining night, Isak had a breakdown, he told Even there was something he had to come clean. He posted some nude pictures as an ad on rentboy.com, just like Even did, but he didn’t do it for a joke or bet, he did it because he felt empty, and he was desperate to get a sense of affirmation from other people. He hadn’t met Christine yet, and he had few friends, he was just too lonely. He also felt a sense of revenge when someone answered his ad. He had an impulse to call Even when he sat in the hotel lobby, waiting for his “customer”.

“If I called you then, what would you say to me?” Isak didn’t dare look into Even’s eyes.

Even considered for a long time. “Be safe.”

It only happened once. Isak hated himself for actually doing something like that, and he didn’t really get anything he wanted from that encounter. That guy paid him a lot, he spent that money on pot, smoking them day and night. He missed some classes, got no social interactions with anyone, and when he finally was sober, he hated his guts. That night some guy invited him to a party, when he got slightly drunk, he went up to the top of the building. Lucky for him, he met Christine.

“She always says I saved her, but actually it was her that saved me.” Isak twirled his fingers on the sofa.

Even sniffed and said, “I’m jealous of her. But, on the same night, you and I met again too.”

Isak was surprised that Even didn’t think of it as a big deal. Even didn’t really feel hurt, maybe it was a little weird when Isak said it was a revenge to him, but it was all in the past. “Who hasn’t done something he regrets dearly?” He hugged Isak and whispered to his ears. “If I knew how you felt about me, I’d get to you much sooner than this.”

Isak mumbled, “Me too.”

 

Things were perfect for them ever since. Isak got admitted into UiO medical school, and he excelled in medicine. His dad and Lea were apparently happy for him, supporting him all the time. Even graduated from university, started an internship in a film company, did some small projects on his own, even got a small prize in a film festival.

It’s hard for them to finally get here, and Even cherished every day of his life.

Sometimes he would take out Isak’s nudes and tried to embarrass his boyfriend by asking him if he could book “isaacinus99” for one night. Isak was not okay with this joke at first, later he opened up about it, and it’s become a valentine’s tradition for them.

 

Even opens his eyes and says, “I think for next Valentine’s day, evenbn97 should come out to work. He’s taken a long enough holiday.”

Isak laughs. “I’m saving up right now.”

“You know, I think evenbn97 will give a generous discount to his favorite customer.” Even kisses Isak’s neck.

“I want free stuff on Valentin’s day.” Isak suddenly turns back to face Even, kissing him. “Can you give me that?”

“I can give it to you right now.” Even turns them over, positioning Isak below him.

Isak giggles, he doesn’t resist what’s gonna happen anymore. His eyes are full of love. “I love you baby.”

“I love you more.” Even kisses him deep and hard.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, thank you for reading!  
> I'm bad at ending stuff, as you can probably tell from this last chapter :P


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